quotas and Karaoke Nemesis

It's Friday night and I'm in. I'm in because I want to be in, yet I feel like I should be out. Sometimes when Friday/Saturday roll around I feel like I NEED to be out, even if I have no desire to be out at a smoky bar. It is my inner insecure 15 year old girl screaming at me to go out. That old idea that you need to be out on a Friday and Saturday night or you aren't popular. I'm 25 and single with no kids so maybe I should still have that philosophy, the thing is I usually have a 2 day going out quota. As long as I go out two days in the week I feel like I have a social life going. Most of my life two nights in the week was all I had available to go out.
Tomorrow I'll be out all day for hopefully a very fun day so that is 1 day out. On Thursday I saw The Reader(see below) on Tuesday I went to Condom Craft Night(see further below) and on Monday I went out and defeated my Karaoke Nemesis. So, quota for the week has already been met.
Oh, did I mention a Karaoke Nemesis?
Why yes I did.
I tried to slip it in but I see you caught that.
If you are a regular reader you will remember my Karaoke Nemesis.
If you are new to reading my blog click on the title to this post and you can read about the beginning of this rivalry.
After Michigan State's devastating loss to North Carolina on Monday I wasn't ready to just call it a night and head home and sulk. First my friend Jana and I went out and had the best burger I have had since moving to Alaska. Than I was able to talk her into going to Karaoke with me. I had to finally face-off with Dax, the man that dared to tell me I don't know crazy karaoke.
I promised Jana I would only sing one song and than we could go. I almost believed it myself. But karaoke is like chips you can't just stop at one. I eventually roped in Jana's friend Tex(who is from Washington) to sing some songs to prolong the karaoking Madness.mwhahahaha
okay I went to a Count from Sesame Street place for a second.
The thing is the Karaoke was far from madness. It was also far from crazy. It was regular. When I got my shot to take over the microphone I knew I had to rock it. I have been toying with the idea of adding "The Distance" by Cake into my repertoire, but for my first song I had to go with one I knew I could rock. Dax is known for cutting off people and changing their songs and kicking them off stage if they aren't good singers. He had also kind of blown me off before it all started when I said I had come to do some karaoke. I ended up opening with, no surprise, Build Me up Buttercup. The crowd went wild, again no surprise. After I finished Dax said, "Wow! We need more people like Carol!"
Point for me.
I didn't sign up for a second song because I really did intend to stick to my promise of one song. Eventually there was a point where no one was signed up for a song. How does that happen at the craziest karaoke in the world? Because Dax was being heckled(mostly from my table-not by me I was stony silent-Tex and Jana let him have it) he decided not to sing another cheesy song where he changes the words to be about Homer. He eventually found his way over to my table. And got me to sing again. I feel he was trying to embarrass me. To try and reclaim some power. I agreed. Bring it. A Ms. Sara Lutz signed me up for "I Believe I Can Fly" once and I brought it. He played "Don't Stop Believin'" Can't embarrass me with a song that I have rocked many a time.
I had a Michigan State Shirt on with a "Go State!" sign on the back of my shirt. When I did the "From south Detroit" part I turned so the crowd could read my "Go State" sign. And than I did it again at the "Some will Lose" and had a really sad face... Still I rocked the shit out of that song.
Point for me.
After I was all done Dax proclaimed, "Carol where have you been? We need you here all the time!"
Point for me!
And in your face be-otch!
I got Tex to sing "Friends in Low places" by himself and than talked him into doing "Bohemian Rhapsody" with . Dax said this was a sacrificial song, a song that people glutton for punishment sing.
Guess what Tex and I did? Yeah We totally rocked it.
I'm giving myself 5 points for that.
IT was getting time to leave and I just want to sing "Sweet Caroline" a song I never get to sing. Tex needed to go and I got him to agree to stay through an insanely drunk girl's rendition of "Dirty Deeds" if we went right after her. I went up to chat with Dax about getting in one more song. He said he could do it but I had to do something for him. He than puffed out his cheek and tapped on it. I acted as if I haven't had creepy old men all over the world give me this move. My eyes got all big and became glazed over with question marks.
"Ummm, ahhh" I then puffed out my cheeks and pretended to be a blow fish.
He looked at me and then said, "Do you want the song? Cuz you gotta do something for me."
I tightened up my face and did it.
Damn you Dax! You brought me down a peg.
Point for Dax.
He tries to pull that shit again I'm out of there.
Tex and I did rock it good enough to get the one man left in the audience to applaud.
So I take back my point.
Dax...my Karaoke Nemesis... I don't feel I can call you that anymore. You suck and I'm pretty amazing.And I'm really modest about my skills. It's beneath me to have you as a nemesis. You think that it is all about the voice and as I have preached to people all over the world, Karaoke has nothing to do with your voice but the show you put on. This was far from crazy karaoke. To me crazy karaoke is Crunchy's right before our whole table gets kicked out because Sara is kicking someone, Tom keeps singing with people who don't want his help, and I like to show people how fast I can drink by using their drinks to demonstrate. It's giant sing-a-longs. Dax. You don't know what I've seen. And how hard I can rock it, I half assed it for ya! But my friend Sam is coming, so I'll be back. And I will destroy you again.

I know Karaoke

I got challenged to come to Karaoke next week. There is Karaoke on Mondays and Thursdays at a local bar named Duggans. The host of the bar was sitting next to me at a one woman show I saw tonight. She mentioned that the Karaoke guy was in the crowd. I responded by yelling,louder than necessary, "There is Karaoke in this TOWN?!"
"Yes, there most certainly is on Mondays and Thursdays."
"ungh..."
"Yeah, its the craziest Karaoke, ever."
"Ever? That is a pretty bold statement. I have been to a lot of Karaoke. Much of it Crazy. I mean you have to be crazy to stand up in front of a room of strangers and sing, knowing darn well you can't sing."
He did that laugh, oh god THAT laugh, the one where they are blowing off what you just said.It is just short of being a chuckle, it makes no noise- except for maybe a puff of air.. I hate that laugh. Then he said, "Well, I'm sure you have never seen karaoke as crazy as this. You need to come down for our Karaoke nights. You won't be able to handle how crazy it is."
I did that half chuckle-"blow off what they are saying" laugh.
He doesn't know who he is talking to. I don't know a lot of things but I know how to karaoke. I also know how crazy karaoke can be.
I have done Karaoke from Honduras to Scotland, from Uganda to Kyrgyzstan. Since the Dutch don't seem to have karaoke anywhere in the country I was given a microphone and allowed to sing behind the bar-"Gold Digger". I have done karaoke so many times that I have a signature song- "Build Me Up Buttercup". On my birthday I make random strangers let me sing with them as their forced upon present to me. I also have learned the importance of picking your songs to cater to your audience, which led to me knowing three country songs by heart. I have several rap songs, a plethora of Classic Rock songs, and can do pretty much any girl power song out there for a predominately female of fabulous gay crowd. I have made a room full of men cheating feel uncomfortable by singing "Before He Cheats". I can do "I got you Babe", a duet- by myself. I have had a friend surprise me by signing me up for "I Believe I Can Fly" and brought down the house. I have shouted at the top of my lungs, "SWEET CAROLINE BUHM BUHM BUHM good times never seemed so good, SO GOOD! SO GOOD! SO FUCKING GOOD!" and "ALICE, ALICE, ALICE WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE?!" In a bowling alley in Uganda I have linked arms with complete strangers and sang the chorus of "Zombie". A group of Brits was rudely interrupted by me trying to join in, in upstate New York. In a bowling alley in Salt Lake City I sang a perfectly choreographed version of "Freshman"
while a girl was passed out on the floor. I have done a flying leap off a mini-stage in Honduras at the climax of the song. The Disco lights, the highest honor in the karaoke world, have come on more times than I can count. I have carried on singing "It's Raining Men" while my friend Sara yelled at a very, very straight man that it is cool if he was "bi-curious".I spent almost every weekend my last year of university going to the karaoke bar two blocks from my house.
Most importantly I sang karaoke at a kiosk on the streets-of Kyrgyzstan- after drinking at an Ambassador's house-dancing with prostitutes-having friends trying to prostitute me out for good beer-on Christmas-THROUGH AN EARTHQUAKE THAT WAS SO STRONG IT DESTROYED MY FRIENDS HOUSE! SO! DON'T TELL ME, I DON'T KNOW CRAZY KARAOKE!
I'll rise to the occasion I'll go to this karaoke of his. I might even sing my signature song. However, I will not find it the "craziest,ever" unless the volcano that is about to erupt actually does erupt, causing a tsunami, while I'm singing, and a local eagle breaks through a window, and takes my beer right out of my hand. If all that happens than he is right, Karaoke at Duggans is the craziest...ever.