I know Karaoke

I got challenged to come to Karaoke next week. There is Karaoke on Mondays and Thursdays at a local bar named Duggans. The host of the bar was sitting next to me at a one woman show I saw tonight. She mentioned that the Karaoke guy was in the crowd. I responded by yelling,louder than necessary, "There is Karaoke in this TOWN?!"
"Yes, there most certainly is on Mondays and Thursdays."
"ungh..."
"Yeah, its the craziest Karaoke, ever."
"Ever? That is a pretty bold statement. I have been to a lot of Karaoke. Much of it Crazy. I mean you have to be crazy to stand up in front of a room of strangers and sing, knowing darn well you can't sing."
He did that laugh, oh god THAT laugh, the one where they are blowing off what you just said.It is just short of being a chuckle, it makes no noise- except for maybe a puff of air.. I hate that laugh. Then he said, "Well, I'm sure you have never seen karaoke as crazy as this. You need to come down for our Karaoke nights. You won't be able to handle how crazy it is."
I did that half chuckle-"blow off what they are saying" laugh.
He doesn't know who he is talking to. I don't know a lot of things but I know how to karaoke. I also know how crazy karaoke can be.
I have done Karaoke from Honduras to Scotland, from Uganda to Kyrgyzstan. Since the Dutch don't seem to have karaoke anywhere in the country I was given a microphone and allowed to sing behind the bar-"Gold Digger". I have done karaoke so many times that I have a signature song- "Build Me Up Buttercup". On my birthday I make random strangers let me sing with them as their forced upon present to me. I also have learned the importance of picking your songs to cater to your audience, which led to me knowing three country songs by heart. I have several rap songs, a plethora of Classic Rock songs, and can do pretty much any girl power song out there for a predominately female of fabulous gay crowd. I have made a room full of men cheating feel uncomfortable by singing "Before He Cheats". I can do "I got you Babe", a duet- by myself. I have had a friend surprise me by signing me up for "I Believe I Can Fly" and brought down the house. I have shouted at the top of my lungs, "SWEET CAROLINE BUHM BUHM BUHM good times never seemed so good, SO GOOD! SO GOOD! SO FUCKING GOOD!" and "ALICE, ALICE, ALICE WHO THE FUCK IS ALICE?!" In a bowling alley in Uganda I have linked arms with complete strangers and sang the chorus of "Zombie". A group of Brits was rudely interrupted by me trying to join in, in upstate New York. In a bowling alley in Salt Lake City I sang a perfectly choreographed version of "Freshman"
while a girl was passed out on the floor. I have done a flying leap off a mini-stage in Honduras at the climax of the song. The Disco lights, the highest honor in the karaoke world, have come on more times than I can count. I have carried on singing "It's Raining Men" while my friend Sara yelled at a very, very straight man that it is cool if he was "bi-curious".I spent almost every weekend my last year of university going to the karaoke bar two blocks from my house.
Most importantly I sang karaoke at a kiosk on the streets-of Kyrgyzstan- after drinking at an Ambassador's house-dancing with prostitutes-having friends trying to prostitute me out for good beer-on Christmas-THROUGH AN EARTHQUAKE THAT WAS SO STRONG IT DESTROYED MY FRIENDS HOUSE! SO! DON'T TELL ME, I DON'T KNOW CRAZY KARAOKE!
I'll rise to the occasion I'll go to this karaoke of his. I might even sing my signature song. However, I will not find it the "craziest,ever" unless the volcano that is about to erupt actually does erupt, causing a tsunami, while I'm singing, and a local eagle breaks through a window, and takes my beer right out of my hand. If all that happens than he is right, Karaoke at Duggans is the craziest...ever.