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With All Things Dutch!

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Dutch Sensitivity

Looking for a Good Drink in Amsterdam

When I first arrived to Amsterdam I didn’t have a place to stay. The University of Amsterdam had messed up my housing. They kept sending my housing information to Alaska and the housing papers would say that I needed to have them back to Amsterdam by a certain date. However, the papers kept arriving after the deadline to have them back by. They gave me three chances and than declared that I couldn’t follow rules so I didn’t get housing. I was coming to Amsterdam with or without housing. So, thanks to University of Amsterdam’s disorganization I came without housing. For the first month in Amsterdam I had to move from hostel to hostel and I also did some couchsurfing. Most people on Couchsurfing didn’t want to put me up because I wasn’t just passing through Amsterdam but staying. However, my first host with Couchsurfing was Wiebe and when I was staying with him he showed me my favorite bar in Amsterdam: De Zotte.
Actually De Zotte isn’t so much a Bar as what the Dutch call a Bruin Café and Americans call a Hole in the Wall. It is quite small and dark, or in Dutch terms Gezellig.
I always enjoy the vibe of De Zotte and the options I have to drink. De Zotte is a Proeflokaal (Trying Location) for Belgian Beers. Over two hundred options. I have tried the variety of Dutch Beers, but to be honest there isn’t that big of a collection, and it is especially nothing compared with their Southern Neighbors style, variety, and approach to beer. So, one of my favorite things about living in the Netherlands is how easy it is to get Belgian Beers. At De Zotte there are over 200 choices. I have been attempting to work my way through the list. I normally only go when I have company and I haven’t had any guests lately so I have had no good opprotunities to keep working on my check list. The beers range Very Weak to exceedingly strong, from Blondes to Ambers, to Bruins.
De Zotte is a couple blocks from Leidsplein (the Tourist/over priced center of the city). However, these two blocks provide a nice cushion from the tourists and the prices of that area. I think if you are looking for a fun night of trying different beers than De Zotte is the place to go in Amsterdam.

An Icy situation

I would like to take a minute and not recommend something in Amsterdam: the Ice Bar. The Ice Bar is located just outside of Rembrandtplein on the Amstel River. It was the most worthless 20 Euros I spent since moving to Amsterdam, and believe me I have wasted a lot of money.
What happens is you schedule a time to go to this “hip” and “trendy” and (pun completely intended) “cool” bar. You are told you will get a half hour in the actual ICE bar part. You decide to do it because you will get awesome photos with your friends of all the good times you are having in Amsterdam. And in this facebook era of “Tag it” hasn’t it all just become about photo ops?
When you get there they will force you to wear a silver Heineken jacket for cross promotion. If you are fat this will be an uncomfortable experience because the jacket will not be big enough. you will become Chris Farley in Tommy boy "Fat Man in a little Coat..."
Once you get inside they will inform you that you can’t take pictures but you can purchase pictures that they take of you for 19 euros for one or 35 euros for two. You will be pissed off at this information and want to leave but too late, they already have your money. You stand in a tiny ice freezer (which if you went to a slaughterhouse I’m sure you could get the same ambiance) with a big screen at the end. They will show a weird “4D” movie about a penguin and you will be given two drinks. They will be in a glasses made of ice, but this is trickery because this glass will make it so you have less of a drink than you would otherwise.
Some Euro-trash techno is played and than you leave. That is it. That is where 20 Euros of my money went. You might think that I went recently and this is a new thing that I'm thinking about, and thinking how horrible it was. However, it isn't a new pain. This is old pain. This happened months ago. However, the sting has come back lately with the icy unsalted sidewalks and streets of Amsterdam. As I slip on some black ice that I couldn’t see coming I flashback to the Ice Bar and how I never saw it coming.

I don't want to be one sided on this so I am presenting here the website to Amsterdam's Ice bar: http://www.xtracold.com/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=57

Take a look and you'll imagine it's awesomeness too, just like me and my friends did. Like the a kid signing up for the army, you can imagine the glory all you want- but you need to listen to the solider who has been there when they tell you about the horrors.

Okay I think I just got a little dramatic at the end... but I really hated the Ice Bar. And my Mama always taught me to never use the word hate.

Flirting with Books

I by no means of the imagination have any flirting skills. If I find myself attempting to flirt I panic, become very embarressed and avoid the guy for eternity. He probably just thinks I'm being weird, loud and sweaty- as usual.

When I find a guy flirting with me I become totally creeped out. I begin to wonder what is wrong with him? And what happened in his life that has lead him to the point where he is flirting with me? Did he have a head trauma as a child? I become rude and annoyed by these guys.

So, you can understand my suprise when lately I have found myself doing some flirting of my own. The biggest suprise is with who...er..what I'm flirting with. Lately I have found myself flirting with books.

See I have absolutely no money thanks to the amazing Dutch Banking system that I find myself trapped by. So, instead of just avoiding bookstores I end up hanging around them flirting with books I can't have.

If there is a piece of lint on them I sweetly brush it away. I look it up and down complementing its well chosen cover. And if things go really well I find myself fingering through it for the next hour.

I'm a bit of a tease with how much I come back to the bookstore and the time I spend with an individual book- I can see why they think they would get to come home with me. However, after I have had my fun and gotten some free reading in I end up going home alone. Back to the book I have waiting for me at home. Even when I'm laying in bed with my book I lay there imagining how much better it would be with the book from the store. To run my eyes over its un-doggy tagged pages. My eyes gazing from right to left and up and down. To slowly turn the pages with a lick of the finger and than a soft touch. Than I fall asleep with the book on my pillow just to dream- dreams of another.

3 Random things in Amsterdam

These are three random things I saw around Amsterdam that basically make no sense to me.
The first is this cement dog sitting on a bridge. It is made to look like a bobble head from a distance but once I got next to it I saw you couldn't smack it in the head to make it bobble. So, what is the point? And why is it on the bridge? And on top of that there were actually two of them, the other was across the street.

Secondly in the self-proclaimed gayest city in Europe(and trust me they have competition) I still find this to be pretty gay. Not in the how stupid is that, but in the man on man love kind of gay. This is a "Rockin' Sailor" for children outside of a barber shop. Yes, cuz there is nothing cuter than putting little Johnny on top of a sailor to rock around with while men get their hair done.





And lastly a thing (thing because I have no actual words for it) that lead American Shock Comedian Doug Stanhope to say, "You don't need me here. My sense of humor is useless on people who have something like this for children to play in."
This bikini clad dismembered body lies in Oud Zuid the richest, poshest, and apparently most over the top part of town. This sits in a park near a school. It is for children to run around in- for fun. The door on the severed leg is open but you can see in the left hand corner how the doors are made to look like the insides of a human- the way they would look if the arms, legs, and head of a women at the beach had all been chopped off.
Oh, Amsterdam, I can't explain thee.




So Gay!

Elephant Parade

Right now in Amsterdam there is a parade going on. An elephant parade.
Spread out over the city are over a 100 elephants, decorated by varying artists and celeberities. They are to raise money for Elephant Family, the largest Elephant charity in the world. They are a nice addition to the character of the city.












Click on the title of this entery if you want to learn more about the elephant parade or donate to the cause.

Dutch Logic

Over time the Brits have come up with many terms using the word 'Dutch'. Often it is used in terms playing on negative stereotypes of the Dutch people.
Such phrases as:
Going Dutch or Dutch Treat- each person participating in an activity pays for himself or herself. So, gals it a guy asks you if you want a Dutch Treat sweetly decline.
Dutch Uncle- a person who issues frank, harsh, and severe comments and criticism to educate, encourage, or admonish someone.
Dutch Wife- a prostitute, Sex Doll, Water Bottle... more or less a substitute for a real wife in bed.
Dutch Courage- courage that is gained from drinking alcohol. I recently helped a girl I know get some Dutch Courage to jump the European Boy she is seeing(read: because he is European he is waiting for her to make the first move) by taking 5 jager shots on the street in about 8 minutes.
Dutch Oven- a pot you cook with that has a cover on top of it. A Dutch Oven can also be when someone farts and than traps someone else under the covers creating an enclosed stinky-ass area. It's truly one of the classiest things you can do to a loved one.
Out of all of these phrases I find Dutch Uncle to be the most telling and true for the Dutch people. People are always giving me really harsh advice here in order to help me. Glad I was an athlete most of my life so it doesn't phase me... too much.
While all of these phrases are great I would like to propose one more 'Dutch' word to be added to the list:
Dutch Logic- the complete lack of logic in any traditional or contemporary sense of the word.
I have come up with this term after three weeks of trying to get my excessive amounts of paper work that I need to live and study here in Amsterdam.
The latest predicament Dutch Logic has trapped me in is the need for health insurance. I am fine with getting Health Insurance here, it's actually affordable, the only problem is Dutch Logic. I need to get a residence permit to legally live, study, and work here. I need health insurance to get my residence permit. However, when I went to apply for health insurance it said I needed my residence permit to get health insurance... wait what?
I need a residence permit to get health insurance and I need health insurance to get my residence permit.
There is Dutch Logic for ya.
I have one more word Dutch Work Ethic but that'll have to be saved for another time. The Dutch with their 30 hour work weeks and the amazing ability to pass the blame onto just about anyone else sending me to 40 different places to get one simple thing done. Again, for another time. Ik wil een biertje.