Carol Bontekoe

This blog has been keeping track of my adventures since 2004. The stories and the adventures have come from my college dorm room to Uganda, Peace Corps Kyrgyzstan, learning Dutch in the Netherlands to living in the wilds of Homer, Alaska. I went back to school in Amsterdam to study Theaterwetenschap (Theatre Science) at University of Amsterdam. And now my adventures as a Fruit Fly, a Sexy Unicorn, and creating a movement with Team Sparkle in Chicago.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

timing is everything

I know I need to write about Sam's visit to Alaska. It was amazing and I had an uber good time. But when there is so much t write about I can't seem to get the focus to go ahead and do it.
I do just want to take a moment here to say that today I experienced the most perfectly timed Earthquake ever!
I was at a dinner party, Asian themed. Just anything Asian. I didn't feel like cooking so I classed it up by bringing a bottle of Sake, a box of fortune cookies, and a half eaten carrot cake that was given to me for giving a lecture about Kyrgyzstan(a country in... Asia).
The dinner was at my dance instructor's-Breezy- house. Not a dance activity but that is how I know her. The house is A-mazing! It is this beautiful wood house. Rustic with an amazing view of the bay. This is not a house for a young adult. She was telling us that the house was her grandfather's and he had died in the house. We had noticed that one of the many stuffed animals in the house was not facing the same direction it was when we had first come in. Breezy said she thinks her Grandfather is still in the house. We all joked around that he just starts moving stuff for kicks and to remind people he was still around.
All of a sudden EVERYTHING started to shake. It only last for a few seconds but it was a good size earthquake. We all sat there staring at each other. Was it an Earthquake? Or was it Grandpa trying to remind everyone he's still in charge.
We decided it was a earthquake. Realizing it was an earthquake only mildly relived the eeriness of the timing. We than realized if it's an earthquake we should look out Grandpa's giant window looking over the bay and keep on eye on the water. If it started reseeding quickly an old ghost shaking the house would be the least of our worries. For along with angry ghosts, volcanoes, and earthquakes... we also have to keep a look out for Tsunamis.
I love living in Alaska.
Just one of the many potential dangers in Alaska

Friday, April 17, 2009

You NEED to watch these.

I know I normally make post of stuff I find funny and call it a day but you gotta watch this. Susan Boyle has become a sensation in the past couple of weeks out of a small village in Scotland. The link is to Susan Boyle's appearnce on Britian's Got Talent(imagine American Idol-Simon is even on it) People laughing and snickering at her. It's absurd. The arrogance to assume cuz someone doesn't fit a certain look that they must have no talent. She seems to be a simple country gal who gets confused easily... but don't let that foul ya.

This is a sound recording from a charity album she sang for back in 1999. I hput it on repeat for about an hour. It is fantastic!

There are tons of ugly male singers who don't live up to a cookie cutter image of beauty. It's nice to finally see a female who is steping out of her village to show you never know where talent is.

Side note about me....Cuz Ilike to bring all things back to myself. I spent a day lawn bowling in her home town. One of my favorite days ever.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Whad up dog?

Just wanted to post this little rap that Caitlin left me on my Facebook Wall:
they call her c to the roll, she's outta control, firstsecondthird world, got that travelin soul. / put a mic in her hand, she'll blow you awayyy, buildmeup buttercup, what more can i sayyy. / best friend you'll ever find, she'll take away your fearrrs, but mess with carolspacelynn, she gon' leave you in tearrrs. / droppin bows droppin game, all over your faaace, shotputs her life to the top, makin herself a naaame....

My homies know how I roll. :)

Saturday, April 11, 2009

quotas and Karaoke Nemesis

It's Friday night and I'm in. I'm in because I want to be in, yet I feel like I should be out. Sometimes when Friday/Saturday roll around I feel like I NEED to be out, even if I have no desire to be out at a smoky bar. It is my inner insecure 15 year old girl screaming at me to go out. That old idea that you need to be out on a Friday and Saturday night or you aren't popular. I'm 25 and single with no kids so maybe I should still have that philosophy, the thing is I usually have a 2 day going out quota. As long as I go out two days in the week I feel like I have a social life going. Most of my life two nights in the week was all I had available to go out.
Tomorrow I'll be out all day for hopefully a very fun day so that is 1 day out. On Thursday I saw The Reader(see below) on Tuesday I went to Condom Craft Night(see further below) and on Monday I went out and defeated my Karaoke Nemesis. So, quota for the week has already been met.
Oh, did I mention a Karaoke Nemesis?
Why yes I did.
I tried to slip it in but I see you caught that.
If you are a regular reader you will remember my Karaoke Nemesis.
If you are new to reading my blog click on the title to this post and you can read about the beginning of this rivalry.
After Michigan State's devastating loss to North Carolina on Monday I wasn't ready to just call it a night and head home and sulk. First my friend Jana and I went out and had the best burger I have had since moving to Alaska. Than I was able to talk her into going to Karaoke with me. I had to finally face-off with Dax, the man that dared to tell me I don't know crazy karaoke.
I promised Jana I would only sing one song and than we could go. I almost believed it myself. But karaoke is like chips you can't just stop at one. I eventually roped in Jana's friend Tex(who is from Washington) to sing some songs to prolong the karaoking Madness.mwhahahaha
okay I went to a Count from Sesame Street place for a second.
The thing is the Karaoke was far from madness. It was also far from crazy. It was regular. When I got my shot to take over the microphone I knew I had to rock it. I have been toying with the idea of adding "The Distance" by Cake into my repertoire, but for my first song I had to go with one I knew I could rock. Dax is known for cutting off people and changing their songs and kicking them off stage if they aren't good singers. He had also kind of blown me off before it all started when I said I had come to do some karaoke. I ended up opening with, no surprise, Build Me up Buttercup. The crowd went wild, again no surprise. After I finished Dax said, "Wow! We need more people like Carol!"
Point for me.
I didn't sign up for a second song because I really did intend to stick to my promise of one song. Eventually there was a point where no one was signed up for a song. How does that happen at the craziest karaoke in the world? Because Dax was being heckled(mostly from my table-not by me I was stony silent-Tex and Jana let him have it) he decided not to sing another cheesy song where he changes the words to be about Homer. He eventually found his way over to my table. And got me to sing again. I feel he was trying to embarrass me. To try and reclaim some power. I agreed. Bring it. A Ms. Sara Lutz signed me up for "I Believe I Can Fly" once and I brought it. He played "Don't Stop Believin'" Can't embarrass me with a song that I have rocked many a time.
I had a Michigan State Shirt on with a "Go State!" sign on the back of my shirt. When I did the "From south Detroit" part I turned so the crowd could read my "Go State" sign. And than I did it again at the "Some will Lose" and had a really sad face... Still I rocked the shit out of that song.
Point for me.
After I was all done Dax proclaimed, "Carol where have you been? We need you here all the time!"
Point for me!
And in your face be-otch!
I got Tex to sing "Friends in Low places" by himself and than talked him into doing "Bohemian Rhapsody" with . Dax said this was a sacrificial song, a song that people glutton for punishment sing.
Guess what Tex and I did? Yeah We totally rocked it.
I'm giving myself 5 points for that.
IT was getting time to leave and I just want to sing "Sweet Caroline" a song I never get to sing. Tex needed to go and I got him to agree to stay through an insanely drunk girl's rendition of "Dirty Deeds" if we went right after her. I went up to chat with Dax about getting in one more song. He said he could do it but I had to do something for him. He than puffed out his cheek and tapped on it. I acted as if I haven't had creepy old men all over the world give me this move. My eyes got all big and became glazed over with question marks.
"Ummm, ahhh" I then puffed out my cheeks and pretended to be a blow fish.
He looked at me and then said, "Do you want the song? Cuz you gotta do something for me."
I tightened up my face and did it.
Damn you Dax! You brought me down a peg.
Point for Dax.
He tries to pull that shit again I'm out of there.
Tex and I did rock it good enough to get the one man left in the audience to applaud.
So I take back my point. Karaoke Nemesis... I don't feel I can call you that anymore. You suck and I'm pretty amazing.And I'm really modest about my skills. It's beneath me to have you as a nemesis. You think that it is all about the voice and as I have preached to people all over the world, Karaoke has nothing to do with your voice but the show you put on. This was far from crazy karaoke. To me crazy karaoke is Crunchy's right before our whole table gets kicked out because Sara is kicking someone, Tom keeps singing with people who don't want his help, and I like to show people how fast I can drink by using their drinks to demonstrate. It's giant sing-a-longs. Dax. You don't know what I've seen. And how hard I can rock it, I half assed it for ya! But my friend Sam is coming, so I'll be back. And I will destroy you again.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Side effect of Volcanic Ash.

My friend Elizabeth and I went to see "The Reader" tonight and were greeted with several surprises. I don't want to give away too much of the movie but I will say if you were ever interested in getting a good look at Kate Winslet's breasts, you will have ample opportunity in this film. They are out there for about half the movie. If you were thinking I would enjoy watching a soft core porn, but are embarrassed at anyone finding out that you are watching a soft core porn than this is the movie for you. Soft Core Porn with a great story to come along.
The biggest surprise was waiting for us as we entered the theater. We had to remove our shoes and leave them by the door. We cracked jokes with other audience members about pretending we were at a slumber party. The owner of the theater must have heard everyone making so many jokes and came out to explain that the ash will make the film reels catch on fire. So, that is why we needed to take off our ash covered shoes.
I have seen a film catch fire once before in Phoenix Arizona 007 was rapping up is escapades and the entire picture melted away. Got two free tickets for it.
I enjoyed having an excuse to take off my shoes in the movie theater. It is perhaps the only perk of having everything covered in ash.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Bill Murray knows that Bill Murray is not funny, and so should you.

Okay I know I'm posting stuff from other people instead of myself for the second. But these people are more talented and brilliant than I'll ever be so I just need to post another thing. This is Bill Murray on his first season of SNL. It's hilarious and feels very intimate. It's especially funny knowing the star he later became.

My Favorite MAd TV Sketch

I like Mad TV. I know that isn't a popular thing to say and that is why the show is going off the air. However, this year featured my favorite sketch on the entire show. It's a parody of that ridiculously annoying song, "I Kissed A Girl". You need to watch this is an amazing Ellen impression:

OP-ED from New York Times about Iowa

My whole life my mother, who is from Iowa, has told me that people from Iowa are just naturally better people than all other people. Modest too. Nothing I ever saw supported the things she said. However, this past week and this op-ed are helping understand what my mom has been talkign about.
I have to admit I got a little misty eyed reading this. GOOD JOB IOWA! Equal Rights for all:

April 9, 2009
Op-Ed Contributor
Iowa’s Family Values
IF it weren’t for Iowa, my family may never have existed, and this gay, biracial New Yorker might never have been born.

In 1958, when my mother, who was white, and father, who was black, wanted to get married in Nebraska, it was illegal for them to wed. So they decided to go next door to Iowa, a state that was progressive enough to allow interracial marriage. My mom’s brother tried to have the Nebraska state police bar her from leaving the state so she couldn’t marry my dad, which was only the latest legal indignity she had endured. She had been arrested on my parents’ first date, accused of prostitution. (The conventional thought of the time being: Why else would a white woman be seen with a black man?)

On their wedding day, somehow, my parents made it out of Nebraska without getting arrested again, and were wed in Council Bluffs, Iowa, on March 1, 1958. This was five years before Nebraska would strike down its laws against interracial marriage, and almost a decade before the Supreme Court would outlaw miscegenation laws throughout the country in Loving v. Virginia.

When the good state of Iowa conferred the dignity of civic recognition on my parents’ relationship — a relationship some members of their own families thought was deviant and immoral, that the civil authorities of Nebraska had tried to destroy, and that even some of my mom’s college-educated friends believed would produce children striped like zebras — our family began. And by the time my father died, their interracial marriage was seen just as a marriage, and an admirable 45-year one at that.

That I almost cried last week upon reading that the Iowa Supreme Court overturned the state law banning same-sex marriage will therefore come as no surprise. I’m still struck by one thought: over the years, I’ve met so many gay émigrés who felt it was unsafe to be gay in so-called flyover country and fled for the East and West coasts. But as a gay man, I can’t marry in “liberal” New York, where I’m a resident, or in “liberal” California, where I was born, and very soon I will have that right in “conservative” Iowa.

Of course, the desire to define relational rights and responsibilities with a partner, to have access to the protection that this kind of commitment affords, is rather conservative. But it’s a conservative dream that should be offered to all Americans. Though it takes great courage for gays to marry in a handful of states now, one hopes that someday, throughout the nation, gay marriages, like my parents’ union, will just be seen as marriages.

It’s safe to say that neither the dramas of our family, nor its triumphs, could have been possible without the simultaneously radical and conservative occasion of my parents’ civil marriage in Iowa. And so when the time comes, I hope to be married at the City Hall in Council Bluffs, in the state that not only supports my civil rights now, but which supported my parents’ so many years ago.

Condom Craft Night

Every Tuesday at Kharacters(a bar here in Homer) there is a craft night. This week is Sex Education week at the bar, so the theme for Craft Night was Condom Crafts. I went with two new friend,:Elizabeth and Bryan. We made a variety of crafts in an attempt to win a prize or two.
Here are some of the ones that didn't place:

Elizabeth sign has the Condoms as "O"s and at the bottom it says, "Safe Sex Wins."
Bryan made the most disproportionate women in the world. Makes Barbie's measurements seem possible.

My Condom-nose Pig Mask. I love this thing. I have it hanging on my fridge now.

The Evil Butterfly.

When they were announcing the winners the said first runner-up, second runner-up,third...
There was no real consistency with the places. We thought they had announced all the places and were gathering our things to get going. I was bummed we didn't win anything between the three of us. I was in the bathroom and heard the "Slug" had finished second. I had already told Rudy, the judge, that it was a snail... a slug doesn't have a shell. But who cares, we placed! I finished up my business and came running out saying, "whada we win? whada win? That was our snail!" Rudy stared for a second and than said, "The slug is yours? She said it was hers." Bryan, Elizabeth and I all turned and looked at a girl that was going through a little baggy of prizes. Bryan and Elizabeth were calmer than me I just went ahead and shouted, "Those are our prizes! You didn't make the slug!"
She didn't even bother to fight us as we gathered up our prices. Elizabeth and I each took something we wanted and left the rest for Bryan. I am now the owner of a comical long Jagermeister lanyard. It feels good to be a winner.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Keeping Ebay at bay.

As some of you may know I have been on a bit of a Ebay bidding kick. I say bidding and not shopping because I like to low ball bid to feel apart of all the excitement, damn well knowing I won't get the stuff. I won't go into too many details but some of my lowballs actually won.
I am now the owner of two sets of pearls, two pairs of lacoste sunglasses, and a pair of vintage Armani aviator sunglasses. I think I will be uncomfortable having designer shades on. I traditionally buy cheap shades cuz I lose or break them. My most recent ones being from Mexico in a buy 2 for 9 dollar set. My friend Caitlin owns the other half of that set. They were broken a month ago....mysteriously... though some suspect them being at the bottom of my laundry pile and me stepping on them had some thing to do with it... but those are just speculations on my specs(I wasn't planning on going to that cheesy of a place, but once I was there I couldn't turn back.)
I need to take a minute here and talk to my larger gals. So, skinny girls...dudes feel free to go eat a donut through this next section, you can catch up later.
If you are the kind of lady who would type in Plus Size Dress into Ebay than you should never, ever, never, never, never be looking at this dress to buy:

Yeah... on ebay you can find THIS dress under Plus Size Dress. Not just in 2X but also in 3X! Sorry ladies... actually I take that back, for once in my midwestern politness riden life I am not sorry... LADIES! Yeah I just type-yelled "Ladies"... I needed to make sure your full atttention was on me.!
It will not make you look sexy, it will not make the good times roll. It'll just get a lot of stares, jokes, and an incrediably uncomfortable vibe.
Okay, any of you girls who aren't plus size you can start reading again, how was that Donut? hey! Plus size come back here, I'm not done. You can get your donut later. Regular size gals, girls with little boobs, women with real boobs, ladies who are not models... there is a dress posted above. You don't need to read the text, but please don't wear this dress in public. Ask yourself, could my dad be proud of me in this dress? Even if you were winning the Noble Peace prize and decided to except it in this dress, could he be proud of you? If this answer is, "no" than you probably shouldn't be wearing it.
Guys, you can come back. Oh, you had time for two donuts? Well good for you. oh, you saw some slammin' bitch the other day? yeah... sure, motorboatin' son-of-a-bitch...original. Ashton Kutcher is your role model? Demi Moore is one fine Cougar. Red Soxes, Baby? Well I'm really more of a Tigers fan...YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH ABOUT THE TIGERS... FINE! We'll agree to disagree. Your Frat bro did that once? cool. No, I don't know Petey...

Guys, I can't believe how much effort we go through to get your attention...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I have to say, even though my Mama always said never to use the word "Hate", I HATE the commercial. I find it extremely annoying. I have included it at the bottom but in case you have an extremely slow computer like mine I'll tell ya about the commercial. It basically is following around a Show Reviewer for and all that he has to do in a day. He has a segway that he is riding around on going from show to show and sitting in the best seats. The guy is pretty dumpy but is constantly surrounded by beautiful women.
What makes this commercial so bad and annoying is that the whole time the guy in the commercial is extremely bored. He is so uninterested in everything that he is doing. He seems annoyed at having to go to shows and review them.
How does this make anyone want to go to Vegas? It certainly doesn't make me want to go...I mean I'm not that interested in going back anytime soon... but that commercial doesn't make me want to go every, especially if it is as boring as this guy is leading us to believe.
I would have liked to go to Vegas this past week because my friends Tom and Shawn(a Girl) were both in Vegas. if I had been there I could have followed through with my brilliant plan of setting them up and having them fall in love and get married. And what better place than Vegas for that? They could have fallen in love and gotten married in the same weekend in Vegas... The way marriage is suppose to be entered into, as a drunken dare at the end of a long day.
Since life is not a Chick Flick, Tom and Shawn didn't run into each other and get married...
Maybe someday...
until than I will keep hating the guy in the commercials....
and enjoying life...