Carol Bontekoe

This blog has been keeping track of my adventures since 2004. The stories and the adventures have come from my college dorm room to Uganda, Peace Corps Kyrgyzstan, learning Dutch in the Netherlands to living in the wilds of Homer, Alaska. I went back to school in Amsterdam to study Theaterwetenschap (Theatre Science) at University of Amsterdam. And now my adventures as a Fruit Fly, a Sexy Unicorn, and creating a movement with Team Sparkle in Chicago.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Something is wrong with this story.

I checked out a new church today. So long as I have been living in Homer, AK I have been attending the United Methodist Church. There is a slight age discrepancy between me and the majority of the congregation. A mere 40-50 years difference. I often feel a bit isolated and alone within the church. I arrive alone, I sit alone, and than after church during fellowship hour I stand alone with a plate full of cheese. One step away from literally being the cheese stands alone.
A couple weeks ago I talked three friends into going with me. Than last week as I was crafting away one of my friends who had visited my church made some jokes about the age difference. Another friend suggested I come and check out her church that is held in the gym of an elementary school in town. She informed me that it is a bit more youthnized.
I told me pastor and some others last night that I would be checkin' out the "Rock Church" in town. They said that was good and I should check out the church.
Well, umph.
If you aren't going to even put up a fight for your only 20/30/40 something within the church than I will go and check it out.
The "Rock Church" has all the hip elements of the groovy new churches. A Rock Band, Lighting, a projector, pastors that are middle aged but dress like moody emo teenagers(i.e. Rob Bell). All of it.
The thing is I have no idea what the pastor's message was. None what so ever. Yet, his sermon might be one of the all time most memorable sermons I have ever heard.
There was something about Leviticus in there but the part I will remember was a story from his youth. When he was 14 he was driving across country with his uncle and cousin. This is when he had his first driving experience. His uncle asked him if he wanted to sit on his lap and drive.
No. That can't be right.
I looked around. People weren't looking in disgust and whispering. That just led me to believe they weren't really paying attention. I turned to my friend Liz and she started laughing too. She was listening.
He was 14... and his uncle let him sit on his lap and drive. We aren't talking about a 7 year old. At 14 while you might not be fully grown you surely don't have to sit on someone lap to drive. Heck, farm kids can get certain kinds of licenses at 13. I was 6' by the age of 10. My brothers were driving the car to school around the same age, until the school called me mom. I have no plans on asking my nieces and nephews to sit on my lap and drive when they are teenagers. How did they even fit?
I couldn't listen to anything else. I was just thinking that his uncle was wildly inappropriate and he doesn't even seem to realize it. Neither did the couple hundred people sitting in this little gym. And why at 14 wasn't he aware that your uncle asking you to sit on his lap is not okay. What about his cousin? His Uncle's son sitting there in the car? Was no one aware how inappropriate this whole thing was?! Why is he telling us this?! IS he trying to be funny about a molesting uncle?!
No one else seemed to be as tramatized by what he had said as I clearly was. I tried to make up reasons for why a 14 year old would sit in his uncles lap to drive. Reasons that people must be telling themselves so no one has to deal with this extremely revealing story. He was tiny. Teeny...Tiny...Itsy...bitsy. That's it. Until he was in his 20s people thought he was a midget. Yeah... than he had this freakish growth spirt where suddenly he caught up to everyone else. And now no one ever knows except, when he tells his sitting-on-his-uncle's-lap-at-14 story, that he used to be a teeny weeny teenager.
That has to be it!
I can pay attention again.
Oh, Sermon is over.
Ready for some Bon Jovi-esque Christian Rockin'.
I'm totally going again. You never know what weird hidden detail from his past we will try to just clip in next week.


  1. Joansie said...

    Well, that is very unfortunate that the older folks were not more receiving of you. I'm an older person and many, many of my friends are in their early 30's. I do like a service with "life" and good music. However, there is something to be said about a quieter service where one is not distracted and can reflect on life and how to make it better.

    I'd say if that church did not try to get you to stay....shame on them!

  2. becky said...

    hahaha, too funny. and creepy.

  3. Liz said...

    I preferred the sermon and the serenity of the first church. I appreciated the hot guys at the second church, but that was all too intense. That sermon wasn't for me (if any sermons are for me). Not only was there a reference to possible child molestation, but he just kept talking about how God set people on fire/turned someone into a leper for offering the wrong incense. I can't get behind that.

  4. Anonymous said...

    After reading this I couldn't help but be reminded of Dane Cook when he was talking about how everyone has an uncle in their family that is just a little creepy. If you haven't heard it, I would find it for a good laugh.
    Miss you!

  5. Anonymous said...


    How ironic that you brought up driving. Isabell drove home from Mark's house last night while sitting on Doug's lap. Now...she is only 7 and could not reach the peddals, but she did drive. I am EXTREMELY wierded out by a 14 year old sitting on anyone's lap! Even Sanat!!!

    Miss you and come home soon!

    Amy (space) Lynn