Nothing is as it seems...

In Kyrgyzstan the words Leonade and Salad are used very loosely. My first time I had lemonade here I was like, ahhhh nice refreshing Pear juice. My teacher, the next day said I had drank lemonade. I argued with her, no I couldn't have it tasted like Pear. She told me that yes, it was lemonade. I responded with a confused so there were lemons in it? no.It was pear juice. Lemonade seems to be the term for any juice that they don't quite call juice. Then...salads. Salads here can be anything. tomatoes and cucumbers. Califlower. cabbage. meat. But I have yet to see one with lettuce. I tried to explain to Lydia and I's English club that in America Salads, have lettuce. The explaination didn't go over very well because the word for lettuce in Russian is... salad. That is a barrier in their learning that I don't think they will actually understand till they go to America order a salad and all that craziness I tried to explain will suddenly make sense.

Teaching

My students and I link arms. We start walking down a path. Slowly the walk turns into a skip. Then eventually we pick up the pace and start running. All laughing, talking having a great time. We eventually reach a field where we start dancing around, totally free of a care in the world. Then pink bunnies with magical wands come in and join us. They wave their wands around my students and they magically speak English(kind of a mother willow in Pochantas..thing.) We all have a great time speaking fluent English, giggling, and there is defiantly cake. Isn't this what teaching is like?ISN'T IT?ISNTIT?It has to be like that.IT. HAS. TO. BE.IT! HAS! TO! BE!I mean this is what I was thinking teaching would be like. I started teaching today. I'm going to have revise how much I thought I could teach these kids in two years. The problem with all of our training is most of it focused on how to teach grammar. I have booklet after booklet about grammar. Me? I have to teach the alphabet, the SOUNDS of the alphabet, Greetings... maybe I'll get around to animals. I have abosolutely no base. Today I had only two classes. The 6a class was alright. Small, relatively well behaved.A couple students that actually wanna learn. I also had 3a. There were about 10 too many students for my amount of desks and chair(not too mention space) none of them see the benefit of learning English and have no desire to do so. So, me and a room full of eight year olds this was the majority of class.(translated from Russian to English for your benefit)SIT DOWN!NO! I said write it on the inside! No, now be quiet!Quiet!I can't read that!Your Fir... BE QUIET! FIRST NAME Than your... QUIET!!! Last name!!!no,no,no,no.justshutup (queitly said under my breathe in English)OKAY NO ONE GETS TO USE THE TIOLET!SIT! DOWN!QUIET!yeah... Defiantly going to have to approach that group a little differently than maybe my 6th form. Don't these kids understand teaching isn't easy and their bad behavior isn't helping any. I mean I'm sure I was a perfectly quiet student who sat there and understood everything the teacher said, because I paid attention when s/he spoke. I was helpful and quietly explained what to do to any of the children who might not have heard everything. I instantly knew everything the teacher said and responded to questions with a single hand raise. Yep, That was me as a student. My memory of that time period might be a little fuzzy, but I'm sure that is what I was like. I wouldn't want to cause any unnessary stress for the teacher. I was a perfect student. At least that is how I remember it.

Becoming Aware

I have come to realize that you are never more aware of how many cars drive down the street than when they keep interupting your soccer game.

Culturally Sensitive

The words for welding and Swastika in Russian sound suprisingly similiar. They are even next to each other in the Russian-English Dictionary. So if you live with a German family, in a German community, that has lets say a past. Do not shrivel up in Terror because you think your brother said he has a Swastika Exam the next day. If there is one thing they taught me in Training it is to be culturally senstive, no matter what. And I have to admit I might not have been when I thought my brother had a Swastika Exam, the horror on my face was evident and he had to reshow me in the dictionary. Oh, Welding... well welding is fine.

so That's where I could get married

Recently, a lurking question that had been running through my mind had been answered for me. On my permenant site visit everyone kept telling me about when I get married in my village, and then when me and my LCF went to my village she also showed me where I could get married in the village. I didn't understand this obsession with me getting married. My permant site had a volunteer there a loooong time ago and she well.... you guessed it... Got married there! So of course me being an American volunteer would do the same thing! I went to a wedding there last night so now I know how it would role if I married a local. I would walk into the school holding a clothe with the best man and groom. Than We would be married in the auditorium. Some stuff is said we would sign the papers. Than our parents come up and give us advice and than the grandparents. Instead of jamming cake in each others mouths we would dip a piece of bread into some salt and feed it to each other. Then the food part is in the cfeteria of the school. It was pretty interesting. I kept trying to make it clear I ahve no intentions of getting married there. They said if I had a boyfriend back home that I needed to come here to get married that was still fine. I kept saying no.At the wedding I sat with the other staff memebers form the school. My favorite teacher was there. I am determined to make her my friend even though she has shown no interest in being my friend. She looks and acts just like Phylis Diller. Her voice is the same even!!! Just ya know speakin' Russian. She used to have the hair but she just got a haircut, still.... SHE WILL BE MY FRIEND! I like rollin' with the senior citizens. One of the teachers husbands is a former Soviet thrower. He kept trying to get me to do shots to join the throwing family together. Everyone was refusing to let me have wine in my shot class and sip it. They said it makes you loopy. Some how my sipping wine would be more damaging than doing full vodka shots! My director, aka my BOSS, was the one who had to talk them into excepting that sipping wine might be better. Overall it was alot of fun and good to socialize with the other teachers. I don't ahve other volunteers in my area so these are the people I need to mke friends with. And ya know it was good to see where I'll get married.

I'm a Real Volunteer

Well the day that seemed like it would never come, finally came. I and 58 other rag-tag Americans got sworn as Peace Corps Volunteers. I'm officially a PCV. Just thought I'd let you know. It's for real now. I'm out on my own and I gotta start doing some serious work.

Remember that one time we spent two hours chopping sheep butt fat?

I was standing there chopping sheep butt fat, listening to Lydia exclaim, "I'm such a carnivor. I love the smell of meat!", looking out this little rectangular window watching some men take out the guts of a freshly killed sheep. The blood still dripping, the hide just had been taken off, and the head head just been cut off. I was in the kitchen area with the women. A part of Muslim culture(or at least Balkar... I guess it is different by what kind of muslim and where your from etc. etc.) to have a feast and celebrate/morn the loss of a life 52 days after they have passed. Layla's farther-in-law had passed away 52 days ago. Layla is like a second mother to Lydia and I here. We study in her house and when we want to practice our Russian we go and have Chia with her. We offered to help with the preperations with the feast to show some kind of appreciation for her. We aren't actually helpful since we have no idea what should be happening so they gave us the most out of the way task they could. Chopping Sheep butt fat for the Monty. Monty is a really tasty dish here, they are steam dumplings, We chopped up about two sheeps butts worth. We both are pretty tall so our backs were killing both of us because all the counters here are very low. I loved being a part of it, even if I did just chop up butt fat, because I love the sisterhood of working in the kitchen. There were so many women running around taking care of business I got so caught up in my job. When I was done I went to the door and looked out on how the men were preparing. It all looked too much like National Geographic Photos, not my real life. It was cloudy, muddy, and cold. I asked the men if I could come out to their area and observe more closely when curiousity got the best of me. I got to look at the sheep that had just been gutted more closely, and examine the heart, lungs, stomach... all of it. I got to go and sit with two men as they carefully cut the intestines and scraped out the poo(I never would have even thought that that would need to be done). Then I went over and watched as the younger guys took a blow torch and burnt the faces of the sheeps and goat. They also did this too the legs. Then an even younger boy would scrape off the hair. Every part of the animals was being used.Later I got to go to a back room and help prepare monty with a few women. We were eventually told to go out and enjoy the food. It was so weird sitting in a huge room full of women singing muslim prayers in Balkar. The older women sang them from the heart, the younger women had books to refer too. This was the stuff I wanted to see and be apart of. Ten thousand miles from home I could find a community and a place, with barely any language skills and barely being able to chop the butt fat as small as they wanted.

Overcoming Myself

Let me tell you about a girl. A tall girl, from the midwest, who wanted to do some good in the world. She showed up at the airport in Philadelphia on a hot and steamy morning. She hadn't slept for about a week and had just said good-bye to all of her friends and family. She had more bags than the airlines allow, but after years of traveling(mostly on her own) she has figured out how to work the system to get more stuff on the plane. The girl thinks to herself do I really want to move 10,000 miles away from everything I'm used to. The more tired she became the less of a good idea this whole, "Peace Corps" thing started to sound.She has been instructed to go to the University Sheraton. She has no idea where the shuttle she is suppose to catch is. She goes out to the shuttle area. Her arms are tired from carrying her hundreds of bags(okay maybe about four) and her back hurts from here giant North Face Bag being stuffed to the brim. There is only one other person out in the shuttle area. He is 6' foot has glasses on, generally average looking except... the except is the key part... he looks completely dishevaled. His bags are all marked with a Heavy stickers. She suspects that he is also a part of her new life. The boy and the girl look at each other ackwardly. Both suspecting, but neither one saying anything. They nod. They girl decides she'll ask, after all he is at the Sheraton Shuttle port. But, wait... what if he is just going to a Sheraton, not her Sheraton. "Ya, Going to the University Sheraton?" she asks. "yeah."Hmmmmm... same hotel but I don't want to look weird asking if he is Peace Corps if he isn't she thinks. They stand there silently. A Sheraton Shuttle comes up. The boy runs up to the shuttle asking if it goes to the University Sheraton. It doesn't. The shuttle that the boy and girl need is on the other side of the airport. The girl too exhausted to go on, realizes that she needs to do something she has never done. She needs one of those Granny Carts to put her luggage on. She asks the boy, still not knowing his name or if he is with Peace Corps to wait with her luggage, she has to get a cart. He patiently waits, clearly tired himself. When he sees her come up with a cart he grows envouis. He thinks of how he wants a cart. The boy then decideds that since he had to wait with this mystery girl's luggage she could wait with his luggage.They roll off together to the other side of the airport desperately trying to figure out where their desired mode of transportation is waiting for them. Still, no names. Minimal communication as to who they are and what they are doing. They eventually find their shuttle they put their bags into the back of the shuttle and partways. The boy going to the very front seat, while the girl takes the very back seat. Age, name, where they are from, what their purpose of going to the University Sheraton has never been disscussed. The shuttle takes off when a cool hipster girl comes out pleading for it to stop. It does, she is that cool. The girl in the back seat turns and looks at the hipster girl whose luggage is being put in right behind her. She thinks maybe she is with me. The hipster smiles at the ackward girl in the back seat. The hipster recognizes her the girl. The hipster gets in the shuttle moves to the very back seat and sits next to the girl. "Your the whoopie cushion. I'm so excited to meet you. I saw those pics and thought that is a cool girl. I'm Chris." She extends her hand out."Hi, yeah, I'm the whoopie Cushion, my name is Carol. And to be fair I thought other people would put pics up." Carol is refering to a chat site that was set up for the K-14s, where she thinking other people might follow suit put up pictures of herself. One of the pictures of her in a whoopie cushion costume. They shake hands.Carol and her new hipster friend Chris sit in the back talking about the stress of moving everything where they went to college, where they are from, how excited they were. All the "need to know stuff". The boy sits in the front, silent. The shuttle stops at many different Sheratons. Each time the three of them try to get out and the driver has to tell them to get back in, they stopped to drop off someone else. Eventually, when it is just the three of them left he stops at one last Sheraton, their Sheraton. They grab all their luggage and go in they all say they are checking in for the Peace Corps, even the boy. He says his name is Brandon, Carol remembers it wanting to be able to greet him by name later. They all go up to their respected rooms to relax and unwind before having to meet 60 more new people. Later Brandon and Hipster Chris get in the elevator together. They stand ackwardly in silence. The boy decides to make conversation, "There sure are a lot of Sheratons in this town." That was it, that was his big line. It didn't get a response. He was done. Carol didn't speak to anyone til she got in line in the Sheraton's basement later and heard an accent she recognized. The boy in front of her was from Detroit. They were able to talk Tigers Baseball for the next twenty minutes. Her nerves were relaxed, she knew she had at least one person she could talk to for the next couple of years.This story if you haven't figured out was my intro into the Peace Corps. Ackward, shy, confused and in general questioning my every decision. I get sworn in in two days. I will be a real volunteer and another leg of my story starts. I will be moving to a village where no one speaks English, and my job is to teach them. Now when I yell out, "The Twins Suck!" I have no one to turn around and say, "Hey, they are gaining on the Tigers!" and for someone else to nod at me and give me an approving wink. I have already spent months trying to over come my own weirdness, or as Brandon says(we did eventually talk and become friends) "Quirkiness". I don't have the benefit of my native language this time, to talk my way out of the hole I almost always dig when I first meet someone. Now is when why I came is really going to happen. The challenge, the work, the survival... all of it is truely begining now. But, I still have the memories of standing there not talking to Brandon to remind me that I got alot to over come... mainly overcoming myself and the barriers I create in my mind.

Pizza Party

Last night I hosted a Pizza Party. Alctually I didn't do too much hosting I was slaving away outside in the summer kitchen. Last night we did our big thank you party for our host parents. We decided making them an American Meal would be good. So, Pizza and soda is what we went with. We ended up having to by vodka for the party too, it is after all Kyrgyzstan. They ended up also making plov(the national dish, which is rice and carrots and some meat)Our parents dove into the plov and were ignoring my Pizzas that I made until one of the other trainees showed how to pick it up and go about eating it. These weren't traditional Pizzas but if you ever visit me here I will make ya one. We went to the Bazar and got Nan bread. After that I did everything, I don't like sharing my cooking space if I have to explain what to do. I grated up Goat milk. Then I sliced up peppers and onions and sauteed them in Congac(can't remember how to spell it in English!) I sliced up tomatoes and put the tomatoes on then cheese the peppers and topped it off with fresh dill. They were very tasty and Lydia was working the oven and had perfect timing down on them. They weren't exactly what you would get in America, but last night watching people enjoy my pizzas, I have to say I was pretty proud of them.

Tasty

I have never been fully immerised in learning a new language. I have never NEEDED to learn a language. I have traveled quite a bit and always picked up a few words from where I travel for fun, not for survival. I go to my permant site on Friday after being sworn in on Thursday. I'm pretty excited but I have to prepare myself, because NO ONE speaks English in my village. Not even my counterpart who is an English Teacher. They speak German and Russian. I got frustrated when I visited there before because I have a hard enough time understanding anything anyone says and when I was out there if they realized that I understood what they were saying about me they switched to German. No that isn't really fair! I'm working my ass(sorry mom) off to understand basic Russian and if I understand they switch it on me. We just finished our language tests. The other girl in ym village scored the highest of anyone ever has and I did, alright. If she hadn't set the bar so high I would have said I did well even. With all of our work we still make mistakes. It is this willingness to laugh at the mistakes that has made it so Lydia and I ahve gotten better than some other people. For instance: Just the other day Lydia looked terrified at her host father thinking he said that he was going to cook the dogs. When in reality he said he was cooking FOR the dogs. Lydia's family is still laughing about that one.Here you ahve to get creative when refusing booze, so when a woman asked me the other day if I would like a beer I said, "No, I don't like to drink when I shower." I was trying to say when it "rains". Rain and shower are very similiar words.The one I still get picked on happened a while ago. I was trying to use my new word of the day "always". I tried to tell Mama Saltanat that "The food she cooks is always delicous." The problem is I didn't think the sentence out before I started to say it, so I said, "Mama Saltanat is always Delicous." I knew what I said Lydia knew what I said and Mama Saltanat knew what I said. I hoped that if I didn't move or breathe no one would notice, but it was too late. So, I stuck with what I said and repeated it, "yes, Mama Salatanat is always Delicous."

Getting the unexpected

I have gotten many of something that I wasn't expecting to get here. With the weather getting colder they are all gone but I have gotten many a hot Dueche. WHOA WHOA!!!! Mind out of the gutter, not in front of my Mom. No a Dueche is Russian for shower. Don't worry it never stops being funny having my host mama chase me artound yelling at me that I need a Dueche.See here there are summer showers. What that is, is a bucket with a hole in it hooked up to some tubing. At the end of the tubing is a on off knob and a plastic shower head. The bucket sits on top of the barn and I take a shower right behind it. There are blankets seperating me from the back end of the cows and the chicken coupe on the other side. My family will put watewr in the bucket in the morning and it heats up through out the scolding hot days. So, normally I ahve to take a shower right at sunset to get the optimal amount of heat to really feel free of the dirt and livestock poo that has gotten all over me. Taking a hot shower has new joy for me hear. And it is extra nice taking it at sunset to one side I can see the sun going down and to the other side I can look and see the snow-capped mountains reflecting the red, orange, and yellows of the sunset. It is very relaxing having that view being naked and hearing the donkey going crazy just a blanket away from me.

Lowering your standars

The K-12s and K-13s keep telling us, that while we live here our standards will go down. My idea of fun defiantly have. I live in one of the training villages that is not a party village. We do however have a river. The other girl in the village and I like to stand in the river and drink cold coca-cola. This might not sound like fun but for us this is a ridiculously good time, and a good way to beat the heat. Dogs are attacking us all the time, here so Lydia and I like to take rocks and throw them at other rocks, target practice for the dogs. I don't have time to write anymore since no one is writing me letters, or emails or anything... other than my mom.... so I gotta go find some rocks to throw. I'm defiantly living it up here.

where is the weirdest place you have taken a shot of vodka?

Looking out over the snow capped mountains, holding a tomato in one hand and a vodka shot in the other I thought is this really what my life has come to? Oh, did I mention I was standing in a Russian Orthodox Cementary?We went on our permnant site visits this past week, and my first day I met a German Girl who was guesting at our house. Because my language skills aren't the best I was in the middle of cooking and then abruptly put into a car. I'm sure someone said we were getting in the car and going to the cemetary. The German girl was visiting because her sister had recently passed away and she wanted to see where she was buried.The cememtary is full of little tables, and I'm assuming it is a Russian thing to take shots in a cemetary. They pulled out a brand new bottle of vodka, tomatoes, and bread. See Russians don't do the Coca-Cola and juice chasers. It is normally some kind of vegtable, that day it was a tomato. Peace Corps trains us in all different types of situations where you will be forced to drink, the cemetary was never one of them. I couldn't turn it down being afraid that it would dishonor the dead. They first poured out the first shot poured it over her grave. Then we all took one, said a little prayer and took the shot. I have never been a shot taker myself so I didn't know if making a face would be bad so when I took it I popped my tomato into my mouth as fast as I could looked out over the sun setting behind the mountains and said another prayer.

My mama spits on me every morming...

Every morning there is an arguement between me and my Mama, she wants me to iron my clothes. I don't want to. She always wins. The first time I ironed I was on the floor going at it with my mama telling me well done in Russian when she got up and got a cup of water. She swireled it around took in a big gulp and "SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTT"" She SPIT all over me and my Skirt! This happened many more times. I was soaked, my skirt was soaked and I was shell shocked.I told my Teacher about it later. I mean I was spit all over!!! She looked at me blankely. We stared. She replied, "Yeah, sometimes you have to dampen the clothes to get the wrinkles out.""I know, BUT SHE SPIT ON ME!!!""Yeah."No sympathy was going to be coming my way. I thought maybe it was a one time thing. I have now come to prepare myself. When I see my Mama get up to get a cup of water I brace myself and try to block as much as I can.I'm not just learning Russian and how to run a classroom or block spit here. I'm learning lots of cultural things. My Teacher is Uzbek and a really good Uzbek Dancer. The dancing includes alot of hand movements and a lot of Sass. She has been teaching myelf and the other Girl Trainee, Lydia, in my village how to do traditional Uzbek Dances. I have been repaying her for this by teaching her a traditional American dance I like to call the "The Farley". Mostly clipped pieces of Farley's Chip and Dale Dance. Lydia took a picture of me showing my teacher this dance. I don't want to say she looked shocked... I feel stunned is a better word.I have also been learning to cook. And how to go Guesting. Peace Corps asked us what we planned on doing if we ran out of sum with a few days left in the month. Lydia and I looked at each other and said, "Ya go Goosting." Goosting is more how you pronounce guesting, which is just visiting people...unannounced. See my mama, god bless her, is not a good cook. So I like to show up at other people's houses conviently around dinner time. You know just to chat. A meal will be on the table in no time. I entertain with my chut-chut poruski and they feed me. I feel it is all a fair trade. My mama has taught me to cook some things but I really want to learn how to make anything with Eggplant. Why had I never had Egg Plant? It is so good!!! Andrew's mom is Turkish so she said she would show me how to make some Eggplant dishes. I am pumped.Today was my first time out of the village in unrelated Peace Corps official business. Lydia and I got ourselves all the way out to another one of the Peace Corps villages and crashed a Bride Knapping. Not a real one but a staged one by some of the other Trainees so we could learn about the tradition of Bride Knapping. It was pretty classna(cool). Getting around on public Transportation and getting to see all that is involved, in the knapping. We showed up totally unannounced and luckily showed up at the exact right spot. They kept saying we were honored guests. I love this country we are honored guests just for crashing. No invite or anything. One girl said she was sure it was fine if we came but that was the closest we got. Sorry this is choppy and quick but I had to go through a German site to get here and it is taking all my sum to do this. Speaking of Germans....When I am in a group of Trainees I am automatically American. When it is just Lydia and I we are automatically German... Sometimes German Volleyball players. They will ask how to say something in German or if we speak German or where in Germany do we live. We aren't sure why people assume this but Lydia is even taller than me so we are going to assume it is a height thing. Well I get to go try to get home by myself because Lydia went to her little brother's concert. Fingers crossed you will hear form me again.

We all knew it was a matter of time...

yep. yep. yep. You know me right? I'm assuming if you are bothering to read this ta you know me. so... yeah... How long did you think it would be before I got a trip to the hospital? A week? A month? Alright, we all know with my track record I couldn't go a moth in another country without a going to the hospital.You know what though, I did good. I mean I made it 3 weeks before I had to go. Over a week ago I got to go the hospital two days in row. The first day was for x-rays. The second day was to put my nose back into place.. yep. Broke the old schnoze, AGAIN! I need my Rip Hamilton mask back! One of you G-villers needs to call Doc Day and get him to mail it to me(You should have my address, and I am highly aticipating my fisrt package *wink*wink*)So, how did my nose get broken? Was it going Ninja on some Muggers ass?(sorry mom, but you don't like butt, buttocks, or even bottom so I figured go full throttle with the "a-word") No. No. No. Was it getting an elbow to the face from an old Babyshucka ass we fought for a space on a Marshutka(minibus)? No, but God I wish it was that! It happened at recess. See as a part of my second childhood I get recess time, and at recess we play with a frisbee. We were playing a game where one person throws the frisbee into the air and assigns it a point value and everyone scrabmles to get it... can you see why I wish there was a babyshucka involved? Anyway, with only a minute or two left of recess and *SNAP* Dan had jumped into the air and elbowed me in the face. I knew right away it was broken cuz when it happened I heard the snap. heard the gasp from on-lookers, and heard Mexican Matt(We need adjectives to tell people apart, see there is also Arryan Matt) yell, "It wasn't me!!!"I knew it was broken, but I tried to play it off as a bloody nose because I come from the Pam Bontekoe school of walk it off. IF YOU HAVE A PULSE, YOU WALK IT OFF. Also, I have done the broken nose thing enough not to worry about it because I always stay beautiful afterwards. Also, I didn't want to make a big deal of it because of Dan. Dan is seriously one of the nicest people I have ever met and I didn't want him to feel bad. To keep my nose from swelling they gave me a chilled sausage link. Another Trainee, Erin, and I laughed as I sat there with the sausage on my nose and the hars toilet paper(crete paper more like it) jammed up my nose.I put up a fight against getting the x-rays because I already knew it was broken and I didn't want them to have proof. It was cool getting the x-rays though cuz we didn't mess with that lead covering nonsense. Also, I knew I ahd metal in my jaw but they didn't. So it was fun to watch them tun around trying to figure out where it came from.The next day I got to go see a different hospital to see a nose specialist. Ididn't even know they had them. I tell ya, Soviet Efficiency, amazing. I din't look as messed up as everyone else there. I just had a lump on the side of my nose and a little blue under my eyes. I had the lump because normally when you break you nose it is sideways, but mine was up and out. I was being told this in Russian with a little bit of it being relayed back to me in English. Then all of a sudden she had me in a head lock and was using her two thumbs to push it back into place. I had my arms and legs flailing about and was getting ready to punch her when she let go.She did a good job, it all looks fine. So, two hospital visits down. Lord knows how many more to go!

My Second Childhood

I remember when I graduated college I laughed at my friends that were still stuck in college. I laughed and declared my independence and was proving it by moving half way around the world. I apologize for my arrogance. For I am in full swing of my second childhood.I have a new Mama, Papa, a little bother and sister named Max and Aluna.This second childhood consists of me having to re-learn how to speak. MY parents will hav guests over and show off how I say suchimpressive words such as, "spoon", "Fork", "Table", "Chair", and if they really want to impress... "teapot". After saying these words everyone cheers and then goes about speaking about stuff they know I don't normally understand...usually me.Also, why this is my second childhood is when I am frustrated I ahve no way of telling anyone about it and my Mama feels it can be solved by having me eat more food. Or maybe I need to use the outhouse.On a night when I'm feeling lucky I might stay up past nine... but usually I'm out petty early. I did stay up till 10 the other day to watch Doctor Doolittle Dvah with my family. The guy ho dubbed Eddie Murphay was wonderful.I get walked to school and diectly picked up from school. When it was cold I was not allowed to leave without my coat. The best part of this second childhood is the fact that finally I get to be apart of the cool kids and have a packed lunch. Now, I wasn't the coolest of cool... no those kids mamas packed them Fanta or a tea cup. But I do get packed several had boiled eggs... that I can't peel, half a loaf of bread, half a chicken, and some tasteless cheese. I also, get a little treat of Kompot... Sour Cherry juice. But I get to sit there and tade for Potatoes or Tomatoes... maybe evn an eggplant or two. Then I sometimes sneak aay from class or just wait till after class and buy a Coca-Cola. Those firt few hits of the bottle let me know everything is going to be alright.

So Far...

so far...
Well, I'm in Kyrgyzstan... finally! When I first arrived in Philadelphia I was able to spot other trainees in the airport because they all had the heavy sicker attached to their luggage, they looked desheveled, and like they just needed someone to tell them wehre to go. I was able to ride over to the airport with two other trainees Chris and Brandon. Everyone in the group is so accomplished people have traveled to amazing places and done some amazing stuff. The staging part in Philadelphia was mostly meetings and them telling us we need to be culturally sensitve and what not. It was two straight days of traveling from Philadelphia to Kyrgyzstan. Everyone eventually lost track of what day and time it was. ONe guy accidently didn't have a ticket to Bishkek so we eneded up leaving him in London! He is here now but is a whole day behind which at this point is a lot.When we got here they put us into two busses. They were awesome. They were total left overs from the Soviet Era. I loved them they had a T.V. on them with turn knobs and beige curtains and were painted red. And then the seats looked like the couches that everyone's Grandma's had. You knwo the orange ones they bought in the 70's and still have!Kyrgyzstan is so beautiful. Snow capped mountains and tons of Burch trees. But then there are tons of run down factories and eveything too. The mark of a former soviet country abandoned factories and tall ugly concrete buildings. One of the othr Trainees had the perfect way of describing it. Kyrgyzstan is a National Park meets an Industrial Park.I haven't eaten much because... well I'm going to have to suck it up and eat it once I get hungry enough. For our first breakfast they had this stuff that looks like Cottage Cheese but tastes and smells like bread. Also, there was frmented Mare's milk. I don't like Milk to begin with so that was challenging. Every meal includes about 5 coarses for lunch yesterday I was fine after soup and"salad"(The salad was 2 pieces of old lettuce any vegtable they could find and lots of meat fat). I figure there will come a point that I get so hungry I will eat anything.We have already had one language class. I got put into the russian group. It is cool because when I'm done I can travel to 15 countries without troubles if I can speak Russian, but it will be hardr to fit into the country because forgieners always speak Russian and they respect people who learn Kyrgyz more. I will be getting picked up by my Host Family soon. I have been desperately trying to remember the formal way of say hello so they don't think I'm stupid. But I pronounce it differently every time.strast-voo-tyahzdraz-tvoo-tyahzdrazt-voot-yahI need to learn... I am desperately trying!!!Hopefully they will like me and really help me learn the language.I did learn how to spell my name in Russian.кэролSo one step at a time!Well, I gotta go buy some flowers for my Mama.

Honey

My sister Diane and I went and spent a few days in the Great Tetons and in Yellowstone. We really wanted to go hiking but there aren't really anygood hiking trails at Yellowstone. So we decided to create our own trail. As we were walking there were all these signs saying.... NO!!! Turn around Dumbass! There are freakin' bears! I mean it, turn around now!!! Okay, those might not be the exact words but it was the genral idea of the signs. I have since found out that when dealing with bears you are suppose to be loud. Diane and I didn't know this so we proceeded past the signs, but made sure to be very quite once we got past the signs. Then Diane dead serious said to me, "As long as we leave the honey alone we should be alright." I turned and looked at her and replied, "What kind of bears do you think we are dealing with, Winnie-the-Pooh?" "Ah, Carol it's like proven that Bears like honey. Who doesn't like honey?""I would be more worried about the bees if I went after honey than I would be the the bears." "Oh, the bears would get ya."We kept on our hike tip-toeing so as not to piss off the bears and we left the honey alone, that is the only reason I can write and tell you this. so,LEAVE THE HONEY ALONE!!!!

Packing

I haven't even started packing! Apparently this is something that most people who are moving away for a few yeas don't wait till the last minute to do. I'm still working on packing up all my stuff from MSU. I'm getting really excited but these last days with friends and family is getting difficult just ebcause I know I should be packing but I would rather sit and chit chat--- or write in this Blog.... alright I gotta pack! stop distracting me!

Hugs

Is it a normal reaction when someone gives you a hug to pull away and go "asshole!"? I feel like it isn't. Yet, that was my response earlier today when I got a hug. I think I might have some issues to work out.

Duck Gang Bang

I need to explain MSU right now. We have this river that runs through campus that pretty much seperates old campus and new campus. It is a nasty, nasty river called the Red Cedar. I guess the river used to freeze over and that is where our hockey team would play. With Global Warming and all it, never really freezes over. So the Ducks never really feel the need to do that Migrate to the south thing I'm assuming they used to do. So there is a freakish amount of ducks around here, and ducks that aren't afraid of people at all. I will lock eyes with them and they can sense that I'm afraid of birds and just trying to put on a brave front, and I can tell they do. not. fear. me.So anyways after running for my life from the ducks today I remember one time a couple summers ago when I was walking along the Red Cedar and saw a duck Gang Bang. Seriously it was a gang bang! There were three bright and colorful boy ducks who kept circling the poor brown girl duckand would push her down and do the giggity giggity giggity. And then get off, circle her again and another one would do it. Me and about 4 or 5 other people were standing there watchingit, all kind of looking at each other to see if we should do something. None of us did of course. I ended up having to go to class. But anytime people think I'm weird for being afraid of the ducks I give them a look that lets them know I have seen the horror of ducks' dark souls.

Random thoughts on God

This might seem random but I have been thinking about God a LOT lately. Trying to take that God that is out there and put him here. I get that God is always here, he is light, he is music… blah, blah, blah. But I just don’t know. Like that idea of Fate. To me that seems where I can get the most glimpse of God… or actually let me rephrase that I feel like God is in the randomness of life. Anyone get what I’m saying? You know that stuff you can’t explain. Like two people can end up across the hall from each other in the dorms and end up falling in love. Well, what if they hadn’t ended up across the hall or even on the same floor or maybe even in the same dorm or university at all. How random or “lucky” was it that they ended up across the hall from one another.
You can last minute decide to go to dinner with friends and someone else whom you never met might go to that dinner too and be looking to hire someone exactly like you. You end up getting a job from that dinner that leads to a career you love but never would have decided to go into if it weren’t for that night. Is that how God reveals himself to us, through the Crazy shit we can’t explain? People say I get too excited over random coincidences, but heck why not?!!! What if those random coincidences are God trying to show us something? He left us with Free Will but that doesn’t mean he can’t nudge us along torwards the life he set out for us. I guess the next time I’m about to udder the phrase, “dang that was random,” I might step back from a moment look up to the sky and go, “Dude… God… What are you trying to tell me?!”

Ballet

I always wanted to be a dancer. To be graceful and ellogant, and lets face it tutus are hot! I have always wanted to wear a tutu. But whenever I trip or stumble over something I think this would never happen if I had been allowed to become the great ballerina that is with in me. One time when I was in 9th grade after a particularly bad fall in a basketball game, it looked like I tripped over the half court line and Casey Garvey replayed that part of the game tape over and over and over..., I asked my mom how come both of my sisters had gotten to take dance class but I never got to. She looked at me and said straight up, "I didn't want to be embarressed. You are so clumpsy, tall, and ackward. IT would have been a complete mess." I wasn't hurt but stunned. Stunned that my career in dance was based on what I ended up because I didn't take dance. Maybe I would have ended up some tall graceful model for tutus, if only I had been able to take dance when I was six.

Book Shelf

If I owned a book store I would name it Book Shelf. It would be a brilliant little book store where people take care of each other. I would know my regular customers and their style of books and would be able to tell them if a new book came in that they might enjoy. I would have the older divorcee woman who is bettering herself. She has moved past her self help book phase and has now gone back to the classic literature she should have read a long time ago and that she has been claiming to have read in college for years.The artsy college student who refuses to go to those chain bookstores because chain stores are the down fall of this country. He comes with his scarf, fair trade coffee, and his pen and notebook (lap tops take away from his love of words) to write out his future book that he always tells me about so I can get his book on my shelf before everyone else. Then there is the old man who loves books, always has. He makes sure to tell me my place isn’t as good as this used bookstore that used to be in the neighborhood, but since I was the closest store to him he was going to have to make himself enjoy my store. HE always takes two of the cookies that I set out instead of just a polite solitary one like everyone else does. I would be a great bookstore owner. Everyone would love me and confide in me. I would be like a bartender but with books instead of booze. I would find some witty anecdote for whatever problem they have from some book I read. I would wear black, drink too much coffee, and have black rimmed glasses. I would be awesome!

My Self Worth

I like to validate my Existence by typing my name into Google and checcking something comes up. I realized that this past school year when I would get quoted in the State News(MSU's newspaper) I tended to come off like an asshole."I am one of the laziest people you'll ever meet," Bontekoe joked on stage. "I live on the third floor, but I take the elevator, and I won't walk up the stairs, but I'll sprint and dive to catch the elevator." -10/4/2004"If there's one experience in my life that beats going to Africa or studying abroad in Europe, it would be playing Plinko at UAB's Price is Right," Bontekoe said.3/21/2005ahhhhh well...... at least you can find something under my name when you google it!

Danger!

I was driving the Skid Steer today and I noticed a sticker on it that simply said:DANGER!AVOID DEATH!no tips on how to achieve avoiding death. they aren't saying you aren't going to die they are just saying Avoid it for as long as possible. And they don't wanna be sued if you fuck up on that whole dieing thing. Isn't that the only time strangers care about someones death? If there is a possiblty of them getting sued. What am I doing right now? I'm Avoiding death.

My First Marriage

Today while I was at the Store trying to buy some stationary I had wondered into the wrong paper aisle and found something that I was tempeted to buy for later. I found a do-it-yourself-kit called:GET A DIVORCE:The Do-It-Yourself-Kit.I thought hmmmmmm... Why shouldn't divorce be available in an aisle for the low cost of 20 dollars. It's perfect. It is so American. I really wanted to get it for my first marriage I want it to be quick and as painless as possible. So maybe I should buy it and save it. So when my first husband decides he won't put out one night I'll reach into my sock draw and pull out the Get a Divorce papers and be like alright you put on Conan I'll start filling these out. Because I am a woman of the 21st century and I can do it by myself. I didn't buy it, not enough money. But it is nice to know that it is there. So when I get married I don't have to be nervous because I know when divorce time comes I can do it myself.

UTC

My open LetterWriting about camp would take too long for me to do again so I just am putting in the email I sent my sister about it.Hola Hermana!Girl I'm glad you got to Ecuador safe and everything, and I'm glad that mom's fears about you being brought to Ecuador as a slave to some Ecuadorian family as been abated, but girl you told me like nothing about la Jungla! What is the low down Double D? Any cool birds or monkeys?Well that Camp I went to was awesome! I think you should do it next year. I had prepared myself for the absolute worst but it was so cool. Like everyday we would learn a lesson from the Bible and then we would try to apply that lesson while we played volleyball. Of course my volleyball team lost ALL of our games the first day, so my uber competive nature had trouble remembering the principles I just cursed the fact that I had never been a good volleyball player because I wanted to WIN!!! We evetually did start winning but it was after a long time. We even had to play one game in complete silence! No clapping even. That was frickin' intense.We got to go white water rafting! They weren't very big rapids but it was fun, it was rainy so the water was pretty fast and choppy. And even though these weren't big rapids, one guy on my boat fell out! His name is Dan and he fell out because of his own stupidity. He of course acted like he was the best rafter in the group and would never listen. So he fell out and it took forever(!) to get him back in the boat. Because it took so long to get him in the boat we got derailed and ended up in an Eddy, which is suppose to be the safe area. Well in the midsts of pulling Dan's dumbass back in the boat the other fat kid Max and I ended up on the same side of the boat. SO while we were in the Eddy we ended up High Siding with no warning. It didn't high side on the fat kid side! So the boat is up on one side and we were all scrambling to get to the high side, I honestly thought the boat was going to flip but I was still fighting it. But I couldn't really hold on so i grabbed Max's life Jacket and he broke me off of him and I WENT IN THE WATER!!!! AHHHH!!!! SO COLD! And the problem with falling in where I did is it was so freakin' shallow, I probablly just could have stood up and gotten back in. But in the panic of Carol has fallen out of the boat, They wouldn't let me go and I was being dragged on top of rocks, Hit my knee! And I had the world's smallest life jacket so my back was getting beat up.But my boat had the most interesting journey so it's all good in the end and I wasn't seiriously hurt. Another night we went to this place called Fort Fun which had laser tag and these girls Ali and Molly kept pretending to be nice to me and then would kill me. So I did terribly but I had fun. HAHAHAHA I have been putting off telling you about what you wanna hear about. THE SPECIAL! That 24 hour work out thing that you wanted me to go into training for. I prolly should have trained but I don't think there is anything I could have really done to train for it. I did finish! I did fine actually. And like cuz I'm fat they kept thinking I couldn't do anything. We like started out with Volleyball where my team sucked, then ultimate frisbee where my team sucked, then tug of war where my team actually did alright, then push-ups where I feel like we weren't the worst team, then Swimming where may I say I kicked ass, Then Basketball. That was the first day. I kept getting frustrated cuz seriously every five seconds they were like Carol you need a break? I'm like I'm freakin' fine. They even were like checking on me during swimming, when I was doing well. We did get like 2 hours sleep after all that before having to get up at 4 for an obsticle course. It was insane. That is when I was breaking down cuz I'm so tired. We had to make free throws in the dark, hit tennis balls in the dark, do the army crawl, up downs, go around a track, and then push a car. All that while carrying a board with a tire around it. It sucked ass! We ran like 3 miles! after that I passed out for a little bit and ya know how I sleep with my eyes open, one girl thought my I was dead! hahahaha.Then we played Kick Ball(where I was still asked if I was alright) and then we did relays where I had to do crab crawl cuz one girls arms were tired and it took me like a half hour to do the crab crawl. After that is when I had to run up the mountain with a board on my back. It was so hard and I wasn't running so much as walking, BUT I FINISHED!!! WHAT?! WHAT?! I'm really glad I did it though!I even found some good chrstian songs for ya cuz I know how much ya like them ;) My favorite was called Prince of Peace. Saaaaaaaa Good. ALright I'm going to go rake leaves!!!!! NEVER ENDS DOES IT?! Holla back at me girl and have fun!From here to the moon this is CAROL BONTEKOE signing out

Life's Plan

Have you ever had one of those moments in life where you thought to yourself. Man My life did not turn out the way I thought it would. I seem to have those alot. But this morning I had a big one of those realizations. I was tailing a cow this morning, that is when you hold up the cow's tail because it makes them more complacent and makes it so they can't kick. Well if you can't already visualize it, if I'm having to fight a cow to keeps it's tail up that means that I'm lookin' her straight in the ass. So when one of these lovely ladies decided to crap on my face,I thought Man my life did not turn out how I thought it would. If you had told me growing up or even in high school that in the summer of my 21st year I would be having a cow crap on my face at 7 in the morning I would have laughed at you. But here we are and I sure enough got crapped on my face. So I'm going to stop thinking my life is going to be so grand, cuz then the next time I'm standing there with crap on my face I won't be so suprised. Maybe I should expect bad things because then life will give me good. So if I expect to die young I'll live til I'm old. If I expect to never find the love of my life he will come a knockin' on my door. And if I expect to be poor I'll end up with Bill Gates kind of money honey. So that is the plan from now on I'm going to absolutely be a pessimist, so I'm always delightfully suprised. I'll Never think about my future because then I will never have to think about how my life didn't turn out as planned. I will NEVER be suprised ever again by having my face crapped on.

Clueless

I am familiar with the old 1990’s film that shows the life of a clueless Beverly Hills GIRL. But that is not fair. If you wanted to make a movie that truly could be called Clueless it would need to be about a BOY, not a girl.
The question on my mind is: WHY ARE BOYS SO CLUELESS? Why is it that they have the ability to crush your spirit, hurt your feelings, and in general make you feel over looked, and then can smile at you and start joking around about the latest movie (book, song, show, game, whatever is their thing)?
It is times like these that I curse God for making me absolutely not attracted to women. Life would be so much easier with women. Wait! Scratch that then I would have to put up with moods, Lilith fair, and the complete chaos of never being able to properly answer those double-edged questions such as “Do you think she is prettier than me?” as a blatantly better looking girl walks by. No, dating women would not be the answer.
But I still hate how completely oblivious boys are. Maybe since I am not willing to switch to the other metaphoric team I should just give up on being on a team all together. I could join plants, worms, and Paula Pondstone and become asexual. At 21 should I just turn in my gear and walk a way from “the game”? I know I had friends whose parents told them to stop playing if they weren’t having fun, that could be the answer. Or maybe I need to stick with how my mom raised me, you fall down, fail, everyone kicks you and you are suppose to stand up put on your best half-hearted smile and shake it off. Sometimes I wish I could return to the simplicity of a little league game instead of this grown up “game” of relationships.