USA vs Canada

I was invited to watch the USA vs Canada Hockey game at an Australian Bar. I agreed. I figured it would be a nice chance to keep in touch with my American Roots, have some beers, and in general have a good time. My friend that invited me to watch the game is Canadian and I knew going into it that the other people we would be watching with would be Canadian.
I decided before the game to show some USA pride. I don't have any clothing that says USA- mostly because I don't like being taunted every five feet (yes feet- NOT METERS!) as I walk down the street. All that I could find to show my American Pride was my American Flag that was hanging on my wall. I cut the strings that hung the Stars and Bars up on my wall and packed it away nicely in a zip lock bag. I was ready to face those Canadian Ice Holes. I refused to be intimidated out of cheering on my team- Team USA.
When I entered the bar it was a sea of Red. I almost got excited, my brain instantly connecting hockey with red- RED WINGS! Than I realized the whole bar was dressed in red because they had come to cheer on Canada. I looked around for anything that might say subtlety, "I'm an American." I saw nothing of the sort. So, I felt the need to scream it out loud. I slowly pulled out my zip lock bag and released the Stars and Bars into her glory.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! USA! YEAH BABY! STARS AND BAAAAAARS!!!!!! LET'S GO AMERICA!!!!"
I had been unleashed. I never get to feel apart of American sporting events anymore. They certainly aren't showing my Detroit teams and MSU will have to do pretty amazing during March Madness for me to get the chance to watch them here. But tonight they were showing the USA vs CANADA. My chance had come to cheer on MY team.
There were a handful of other Americans in the bar and I ended up meeting each of them, me becoming the de facto American Embassy in the bar. Each one hand been conditioned through years of travel to hide their American-ness. To cheer, but at a level where no one would know that they are from America. One Canadian woman came up to me and pointed out that her husband is American. Then followed it up with, "He has traveled a lot so he knows not to show that he is American." I received at least 5 other comments about how other people had traveled enough to know not to have an American flag. They were all implying that I am not as well traveled, and clearly have spent little time outside of America. I don't need to defend myself with numbers, all I will say is I'm pretty well traveled myself. The thing is I refuse to be intimidated into not being proud of my background, heritage, and country. I especially refuse to be scared away by a bunch of Canadians.
Since I was the only American showing pride I became the focus of 95% of the bar's cheers and jeers. Whether cheering "Go Canada Go!" or pissed off because the USA had just tide the game I was the person everyone was looking at. I didn't mind, I actually found it kind of adorable. I also found if you keep calling Canadians adorable during an intense Hockey Game you can push them almost to the point where they forget their manners. My favorite was how they started chanting "Universal Healthcare" at me. I was like I don't know what you want me to do, I agree with you. I wish the Democrats weren't so afraid of being bullied by the GOP and would just pass something through. I knew I had gotten under their skin when they started chatting, "Universal Healthcare." When Canada scored a goal I was shoved. When America scored a goal I was tickled. When I went to the bathroom I was booed. I chose to take it all in stride. Cause sorry ya'll I know you think cause I have 'Merican Pride I must be un-educated and not well traveled, but the thing is there is almost nothing you can say to me at this point that I haven't heard before.
When America lost in over-time I was bummed, not to a point in proportion to how excited the Canadians were over winning. One guy even yelled, "This is the BEST DAY of my LIFE!" I thought, well good then that Canada won. Because there is no way that America winning any sport in the Olympics(even the Summer ones, which we all know are the ones that count) could make me yell that. Because it simply isn't true. America winning doesn't make me a winner and America losing doesn't make me a loser. I love my home country but it's wins and losses in international athletic competitions doesn't make or destroy my world.
At the end of the game I went around congratulating everyone in the bar. Even agreed to take a photo of all the Canadians. I was told I'm a really good sport. They probably told me that because every time everyone in the bar started booing me I just shouted back, "Good Sportsmanship is rewarded in Heaven!"

Oh, Canada and welcome to where Americans were a couple years ago. Every Canadian in the bar booed when they showed their prime minister Stephen Harper on the screen. Our president is pretty cool and we don't have to boo when we see him on screen. Yay! So, Canada you may have the gold- but our President is hotter than yours. So, who are the real winners?
:P

What's the Best way to Celebrate Black History Month?

With All Things Dutch!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Celebrate Black History Month With Heineken
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Dutch Sensitivity

Looking for a Good Drink in Amsterdam

When I first arrived to Amsterdam I didn’t have a place to stay. The University of Amsterdam had messed up my housing. They kept sending my housing information to Alaska and the housing papers would say that I needed to have them back to Amsterdam by a certain date. However, the papers kept arriving after the deadline to have them back by. They gave me three chances and than declared that I couldn’t follow rules so I didn’t get housing. I was coming to Amsterdam with or without housing. So, thanks to University of Amsterdam’s disorganization I came without housing. For the first month in Amsterdam I had to move from hostel to hostel and I also did some couchsurfing. Most people on Couchsurfing didn’t want to put me up because I wasn’t just passing through Amsterdam but staying. However, my first host with Couchsurfing was Wiebe and when I was staying with him he showed me my favorite bar in Amsterdam: De Zotte.
Actually De Zotte isn’t so much a Bar as what the Dutch call a Bruin Café and Americans call a Hole in the Wall. It is quite small and dark, or in Dutch terms Gezellig.
I always enjoy the vibe of De Zotte and the options I have to drink. De Zotte is a Proeflokaal (Trying Location) for Belgian Beers. Over two hundred options. I have tried the variety of Dutch Beers, but to be honest there isn’t that big of a collection, and it is especially nothing compared with their Southern Neighbors style, variety, and approach to beer. So, one of my favorite things about living in the Netherlands is how easy it is to get Belgian Beers. At De Zotte there are over 200 choices. I have been attempting to work my way through the list. I normally only go when I have company and I haven’t had any guests lately so I have had no good opprotunities to keep working on my check list. The beers range Very Weak to exceedingly strong, from Blondes to Ambers, to Bruins.
De Zotte is a couple blocks from Leidsplein (the Tourist/over priced center of the city). However, these two blocks provide a nice cushion from the tourists and the prices of that area. I think if you are looking for a fun night of trying different beers than De Zotte is the place to go in Amsterdam.

FEBO

Come along with me on a journey to FEBO:

An Icy situation

I would like to take a minute and not recommend something in Amsterdam: the Ice Bar. The Ice Bar is located just outside of Rembrandtplein on the Amstel River. It was the most worthless 20 Euros I spent since moving to Amsterdam, and believe me I have wasted a lot of money.
What happens is you schedule a time to go to this “hip” and “trendy” and (pun completely intended) “cool” bar. You are told you will get a half hour in the actual ICE bar part. You decide to do it because you will get awesome photos with your friends of all the good times you are having in Amsterdam. And in this facebook era of “Tag it” hasn’t it all just become about photo ops?
When you get there they will force you to wear a silver Heineken jacket for cross promotion. If you are fat this will be an uncomfortable experience because the jacket will not be big enough. you will become Chris Farley in Tommy boy "Fat Man in a little Coat..."
Once you get inside they will inform you that you can’t take pictures but you can purchase pictures that they take of you for 19 euros for one or 35 euros for two. You will be pissed off at this information and want to leave but too late, they already have your money. You stand in a tiny ice freezer (which if you went to a slaughterhouse I’m sure you could get the same ambiance) with a big screen at the end. They will show a weird “4D” movie about a penguin and you will be given two drinks. They will be in a glasses made of ice, but this is trickery because this glass will make it so you have less of a drink than you would otherwise.
Some Euro-trash techno is played and than you leave. That is it. That is where 20 Euros of my money went. You might think that I went recently and this is a new thing that I'm thinking about, and thinking how horrible it was. However, it isn't a new pain. This is old pain. This happened months ago. However, the sting has come back lately with the icy unsalted sidewalks and streets of Amsterdam. As I slip on some black ice that I couldn’t see coming I flashback to the Ice Bar and how I never saw it coming.

I don't want to be one sided on this so I am presenting here the website to Amsterdam's Ice bar: http://www.xtracold.com/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=57

Take a look and you'll imagine it's awesomeness too, just like me and my friends did. Like the a kid signing up for the army, you can imagine the glory all you want- but you need to listen to the solider who has been there when they tell you about the horrors.

Okay I think I just got a little dramatic at the end... but I really hated the Ice Bar. And my Mama always taught me to never use the word hate.

End of 2009 in Facebook Status.

I have gotten really lazy about updating this lately. Mostly just posting videos and what not and calling it a day. At the same time I have gotten terrible with over updating my facebook status. So here I present some of my facebook statuses (stati?) from my December. Oldest to newest:


Why am I always so creepy? Took some headphones that I thought were the library's and left the crappy ones the librarian gave me in their place. Some Dutch dude had to tap me on the shoulder and ask if I could give him his headphones back. Then he kept repeating, they're my PERSONAL headphones... PERSONAL" Gave me the ...old stink eye(as he should) as he replugged them into his Viewing maching(TV).

While nothing can replace my favorite Dutch word sinaasappelsap- Orange Juice, I do now have a very close second place: Kiplekker- Fit as a Fiddle. :D


Turns out after my friends abandon me at a Gay bar for either "not feeling it", "sleep", or "sex with the ex" I can make instantaneous new gay best friends- apparently I'm funny. As it turns out the hags I momentarily replaced HATE me. Oh, Well when I said I was going to dance tonight I meant it... whether any of my friends are there or not.

Making myself a tutu

Its sad when you get advice from a Transvestite as to wear you can buy big lady shoes and your feet are still too big.

Working on my tutu while watching I Love Lucy. I couldn't be cooler.

Finished my Tutu! Now I need to go out to shake my money maker in it. Note to Self: If you are going to go out in public in a tutu... YOU BETTER OWN IT! Confidence, confidence, confidence


I just want to be cool like Gender Studies majors so all I have to say is: Hegemonic Masculinity.

Is setting aside time to do some online YARN shopping with a friend pathetic, nerdy, or totally awesome?

My 10 year plan. Though it is evil mwhahahahaha I'm glad so many of my girls have been giving me adivce for how to make it happen. Operation Break up a happy couple and make him realize I'm amazing is in full swing. Only have 9 years and 10 months to make it happen.

Claartje bedankt voor laat mij maar onzeker zijn. Thank for having my back and letting me vent :P Same here any time ya need me :D

I'm reading an old tourist pamplet for Amsterdam. And while reading it I noticed it took 6 digs at Venice. I think someone is jealous of the attention someone else is getting.

Lipping singing to Dreamgirls in front of my window helps me forget I accomplished non of my goals for today. Oh, That's a lie. I checked out a book.

Got invited to go to a Taiwanese Church on a Saturday night and I of course said, "yes!" What else is there to do on a Saturday night in AMsterdam?

Made my roommate wake up early to go shop for Christmas decorations. She is not happy right now :P But she will be once our room is decorated.

Dutch people DO NOT know how to shovel! I am amazed so many Michiganders grandparents and great-grand parents survied their first summers in Michigan.

Today I'm pretending to Bea Arthur. Anytime someone burns me I'm going to take a deep breathe and than look at the audience. Who cares about the 4th wall.

exhausted. Pull it together Bontekoe! You have to do a stand up show tonight.

WOW! Stand up tonight went a MILLION times better than last time :D And the Mise-en-scene at Comedy Theater is so much nicer than Comedy Cafe. Goed Gedaan Claartje! It was weird to recognize a joke being told in Dutch to realize it is an old Sinbad joke.

The first guest at my party is asleep :( Let's hope the later guests are more in the mood!

THANK YOU STEPHEN FOR BEING A WONDRFUL CHRISTMAS HOST!!!!!!! :D

"And nobody who fails to get fun out his activities can expect them to be fun for anyone else." Bertolt Brecht was right. I need to have some fun while writing my papers... What time does the liquor store open? I can be one of those writers.

Give away that Freaks and Geeks was not actually made in Michigan- One of the characters said Soda and not Pop.

I was suppose to work on papers all day. Instead I watched Freaks and Geeks. I can't decide if I'm proud or ashamed.

My roomie declared her hatred for cooked apples while I proclaimed my love for them, yet she ate an entire apple pie before I could get a slice. Oh, I love irony.

I have made a lot of empty promises in my life, but this is by far the most generous.

Carol Bontekoe is the new promoter for Boom Chicago. So if you are in Amsterdam give me a holla so I can hook ya up with a discount for the best comedy in town. (And it's in English! YAY!)

I was given a bottle of Moët & Chandon Nectar Imperial as a present! I don't know what I'm suppose to do with such a nice gift :D

Anyone who calls themself a Hipster is automatically a Douche Nasal.

2009, what can I say? You were random? 2010, BRING IT ON!







That is how I finished out 2009. Let's see what 2010 has in store for me.

Gebarentaal- Dutch Sign Language

If you wanan learn how to do the alphabet in Dutch Sign Language here is a nice video to help you visualize:

Holidays

Sinterklaas arrived in Amsterdam today. That means the Holiday season is here.

Here is one of my favorite Stand-up Comics talking about Holidays.




I miss that midwestern sense of humor.

Untitled Amsterdam

Aesthetics of Colour

An Exploration in color... or to use some of my snobby academia- Aesthetics of Colour

Flirting with Books

I by no means of the imagination have any flirting skills. If I find myself attempting to flirt I panic, become very embarressed and avoid the guy for eternity. He probably just thinks I'm being weird, loud and sweaty- as usual.

When I find a guy flirting with me I become totally creeped out. I begin to wonder what is wrong with him? And what happened in his life that has lead him to the point where he is flirting with me? Did he have a head trauma as a child? I become rude and annoyed by these guys.

So, you can understand my suprise when lately I have found myself doing some flirting of my own. The biggest suprise is with who...er..what I'm flirting with. Lately I have found myself flirting with books.

See I have absolutely no money thanks to the amazing Dutch Banking system that I find myself trapped by. So, instead of just avoiding bookstores I end up hanging around them flirting with books I can't have.

If there is a piece of lint on them I sweetly brush it away. I look it up and down complementing its well chosen cover. And if things go really well I find myself fingering through it for the next hour.

I'm a bit of a tease with how much I come back to the bookstore and the time I spend with an individual book- I can see why they think they would get to come home with me. However, after I have had my fun and gotten some free reading in I end up going home alone. Back to the book I have waiting for me at home. Even when I'm laying in bed with my book I lay there imagining how much better it would be with the book from the store. To run my eyes over its un-doggy tagged pages. My eyes gazing from right to left and up and down. To slowly turn the pages with a lick of the finger and than a soft touch. Than I fall asleep with the book on my pillow just to dream- dreams of another.

A walking stereotype.

Today we had to do an exercise on stereotypes. People wrote their stereotypes of a country and then they posted it under the name of that country. Countries like Latvia and Hungary were a little sparse. The United Kingdom was quite full, however I wrote about half of them: "Tea Drinkers", "Fancy themselves something special"and "Colonized the world in order to get some descent food" were just some of my beauties. I some how forgot bad teeth.
I was very surprised that when it came to America's turn that people started to clap. They were excited for us to address our stereotypes,since I would say Americans and Germans have the most unflattering stereotypes of any nations. I truly feel America is the only country in the world that EVERYONE in the world has some kind of opinion about.
There were three of us Americans, all very different. The first girl to speak is very tiny, always wears scarves, and when she talks she keeps her hands clenched in front of her unless to make a point she uses quotation mark fingers. She openly talks about how much she hates America and how embarrassing it is for her to have an American accent. Because of how tiny she is, the demeanor and her scarves she can blend into the scenery quite easily. She almost seems like she is hiding. She does not stand out at all. She finds it a high compliment to be told that she does not look American. She spoke first that the idea of Americans being fat, loud, and dumb is completely untrue. She said this with her back to me. Whether she did it consciously or unconsciously, she did it, and than tried to make the other girl in the group speak so as no one would notice the American Cliche standing directly behind her. I wasn't going to say anything but when she was so clearly trying to keep me out of it what could I do but be an obnoxious American and speak my mind? I said well I can see where these stereotypes come from since I am more or less all of the stereotypes. I even voted for Obama("Yes we can" and Obama were listed as stereotypes- I don't know how they are stereotypical.)
See even though I am the very embodiment of the American Stereotype I would say the other American girl that is running from being an American is re-enforcing these stereotypes more than I am. For an American to openly be saying, "Oh, I hate saying I'm from America. I hate my accent. I left and I'm never going back... ugh Americans(eye roll)" These things make people believe that these negative ideas of America are true and that they are justified in what they say about America. I find it irresponsible to push people towards thinking negatively of America.
I do not have the luxury of distancing myself from America at all costs. I'm American. Even if I am wearing the national dress of a country I am American. People can point to me from a distance a declare that I am American. Actually it has only been in the past month I have been perceived as anything other than American-most Dutch people at my university think I am South African, blame that on my DUTCH last name. I don't live abroad because I am trying to escape my homeland. I live abroad because of a fear of commitment- if I move to any place in the lower 48 than I'll be there for the rest of my life. For adventure. To learn about others cultures. On the side I try to re-educate people in their perception of America. Maybe I am what you think of as Typical American- even though in America I am far from typical. But am I really so bad? Am I really worth hate and anger towards Americans in general. I have often been told by people abroad that I am the first American they ever liked, all the others are horrible. That is when I have to ask, "Do you know any other Americans? No? We really aren't that bad. Some are. I will give you some suck; but that is true for every country, city, village, school, and family."
If you happen to be horrible behaving, uneducated, fat, ignorant, loud, conservative, who didn't have any fun till you were 21 and you are starting unjust wars-maybe you should say you are Canadian. But for those Americans living and traveling abroad who are educated,who try to learn the language, who know some geography- don't be afraid to say you are American. Own it. Help the world see that we are more than just the stereotypes. Even us stereotypical Americans need to show that those stereotypes are just the surface of wonderfully complex culture and country.

My4th of July party in Oudemirdum Friesland, Netherlands summer 2008. Showed everyone the best part of the 4th of July the parade and candy.

Spacebar

Iattemptedtocleanmylaptop.Forthemostpartitwentwell,
exceptnowI'mgettingthefeelingmyspacebardoesn'tworkverywell.

3 Random things in Amsterdam

These are three random things I saw around Amsterdam that basically make no sense to me.
The first is this cement dog sitting on a bridge. It is made to look like a bobble head from a distance but once I got next to it I saw you couldn't smack it in the head to make it bobble. So, what is the point? And why is it on the bridge? And on top of that there were actually two of them, the other was across the street.

Secondly in the self-proclaimed gayest city in Europe(and trust me they have competition) I still find this to be pretty gay. Not in the how stupid is that, but in the man on man love kind of gay. This is a "Rockin' Sailor" for children outside of a barber shop. Yes, cuz there is nothing cuter than putting little Johnny on top of a sailor to rock around with while men get their hair done.





And lastly a thing (thing because I have no actual words for it) that lead American Shock Comedian Doug Stanhope to say, "You don't need me here. My sense of humor is useless on people who have something like this for children to play in."
This bikini clad dismembered body lies in Oud Zuid the richest, poshest, and apparently most over the top part of town. This sits in a park near a school. It is for children to run around in- for fun. The door on the severed leg is open but you can see in the left hand corner how the doors are made to look like the insides of a human- the way they would look if the arms, legs, and head of a women at the beach had all been chopped off.
Oh, Amsterdam, I can't explain thee.




So Gay!

Elephant Parade

Right now in Amsterdam there is a parade going on. An elephant parade.
Spread out over the city are over a 100 elephants, decorated by varying artists and celeberities. They are to raise money for Elephant Family, the largest Elephant charity in the world. They are a nice addition to the character of the city.












Click on the title of this entery if you want to learn more about the elephant parade or donate to the cause.

My bedding

It took me a while to get my housing situation organized here in Amsterdam. De Key is the organization that international students get their housing from. When you are at De Key paying your rent and signing your lease they offer you some bedding for and additional 30 euros. I have to say I got suckered in because I was exhausted from trying to find a place and De Key dicking me around that I agreed to the 30 euro bedding. It all came in a small carrying box. That should have been a sign that it wouldn't be good.It is literally the cheapest bedding you can buy from IKEA. I spent 30 euros and when I got my IKEA catalogue I found my bedding in the catalogue for 6 euros.
I'm mostly over bitching about the bedding. Occasionally I feel the need to vent over the fact that I paid 6 times what I should have. So, here are some photos of my bedding and how I received it.

As I laid on a bridge over prisengracht with my bike laying on top of me I realized something: I might not be able to bike as well I think I can. Especially after half a bottle of Bacardi Limon.
I had reached the point where I had no choice but to fall to the ground with my bike or run the bike into a canal. I feel I made the wise choice-as wise as you can make in that predicament.

Studying or being a Tourist

I find it a little hard to get motivated to study here in Amsterdam. For my undergraduate degree I went to Michigan State University. While the campus is absolutely beautiful and the student body is an exciting and interesting group of people, it isn't exactly a tourist hot spot. Touristy things that can be done there are going to the Cheese Store, seeing a sporting event- if you can get tickets, and... well everyone over 21 should go to Crunchy's once.
Amsterdam on the other hand has tourist attractions out the wa-zoo. The museums, concerts, boat rides around the canals, theater, markets and so on; all saying, "Come on Carol. Go for a walk. Read this. Look at that. Smell that... Oh,no smelling that was a bad decision." All of this makes thinking about studying a little difficult. Sometimes I can combine my tourist in me with the student in me, like on a sunny day doing my reading in museumplein and go to plays as research for school. Sometimes, though the need to be a tourist in the city I live in overwhelms me and I need to go exploring. Yesterday I tagged along with couple other Student-Americans as we went to Vondelpark, the House of Bols, checked out the I AMsterdam sign, and ate and drank in museumplein. It was a really nice and lovely day, but now I need to get to studying to make up for my time as a tourist.

Dutch Logic

Over time the Brits have come up with many terms using the word 'Dutch'. Often it is used in terms playing on negative stereotypes of the Dutch people.
Such phrases as:
Going Dutch or Dutch Treat- each person participating in an activity pays for himself or herself. So, gals it a guy asks you if you want a Dutch Treat sweetly decline.
Dutch Uncle- a person who issues frank, harsh, and severe comments and criticism to educate, encourage, or admonish someone.
Dutch Wife- a prostitute, Sex Doll, Water Bottle... more or less a substitute for a real wife in bed.
Dutch Courage- courage that is gained from drinking alcohol. I recently helped a girl I know get some Dutch Courage to jump the European Boy she is seeing(read: because he is European he is waiting for her to make the first move) by taking 5 jager shots on the street in about 8 minutes.
Dutch Oven- a pot you cook with that has a cover on top of it. A Dutch Oven can also be when someone farts and than traps someone else under the covers creating an enclosed stinky-ass area. It's truly one of the classiest things you can do to a loved one.
Out of all of these phrases I find Dutch Uncle to be the most telling and true for the Dutch people. People are always giving me really harsh advice here in order to help me. Glad I was an athlete most of my life so it doesn't phase me... too much.
While all of these phrases are great I would like to propose one more 'Dutch' word to be added to the list:
Dutch Logic- the complete lack of logic in any traditional or contemporary sense of the word.
I have come up with this term after three weeks of trying to get my excessive amounts of paper work that I need to live and study here in Amsterdam.
The latest predicament Dutch Logic has trapped me in is the need for health insurance. I am fine with getting Health Insurance here, it's actually affordable, the only problem is Dutch Logic. I need to get a residence permit to legally live, study, and work here. I need health insurance to get my residence permit. However, when I went to apply for health insurance it said I needed my residence permit to get health insurance... wait what?
I need a residence permit to get health insurance and I need health insurance to get my residence permit.
There is Dutch Logic for ya.
I have one more word Dutch Work Ethic but that'll have to be saved for another time. The Dutch with their 30 hour work weeks and the amazing ability to pass the blame onto just about anyone else sending me to 40 different places to get one simple thing done. Again, for another time. Ik wil een biertje.

Hurt Feelings

I was being very middle school today and had hurt feelings because I felt left out of the cool group in the theatre dept. I came home put on flight of the conchords and this song came up and it mademe laugh so hard and get over my hurt feelings :)

across the way

I have the habit of making uncomfortbaly long eye contact with people I shouldn't be making eye contact with, and than not looking people I should in the eye. I haven't had to walk past prostitutes too often- just on Wednesdays after class. I did however make the mistake of making eye contact with one gal who was trying to get a guy to come into her kamer. She than proceed to try and chat me up. I snapped out of my creepy eye contact and kept trudging along.
Well, last night I realized the woman sitting right across the way from me on the tram was the same prostitute I had made that unfortunate eye contact with. I knew it was her yet I again stared inappropriately till she looked up and we made eye contact AGAIN! That is when I really decided to focus on the beautiful city going past me.
For a major city Amsterdam is not that big. I re-run into people all the time, but I hadn't fully thought it out that I would be recognizing prostitutes on the tram. You never know who you are sitting next to. That's what makes living in the city so damn fun.

My City Amsterdam

They showed us this video at my orientation for University of Amsterdam. You could spot ever American in the crowd as we all slowly slid down in our seats, popped up our collars, and combed our hair over our eyes as we glared at the floor. Bill O'Reilly is an idiot. Don't believe the false hype about this city.

Poor Man's Lobster

t's hard to believe that anything involving Halibut could have a title involving "Poor Man's", but in Alaska you get used to it. With such an abundance of Halibut and Salmon-although this year has not been a good year- around people will just give away a few filets to a poor parking attendant(*Couch*me*Couch*). They have gotten very creative about how to cook Halibut up here in Homer Alaska-the Halibut Capital of the World.

Since I caught my first fish ever a tiny(by Alaskan Standards) 25lb Halibut I wanted to treat myself and some friends to some Poor Man's Lobster.



Here's how it goes:

You get some 7up and put it in a nice tall pot. place that pot on a stove. Turn on the stove and get a nice rolling boil going.

While the 7up is boiling chop up your halibut into nice cubes.

I recomend 1 1/2 inch cubes... but to be honest any size is fine.

Drop your halibut cubes into the boiling 7up.

Wait till they have cooked enough that they are floating on the top(give them a lil time at the top) than scoop them out.

Melt some butter.

Pour the butter on top and...

ta da

a yummy yummy meal that sort of tastes like Lobster- Use Real butter(look for the Real Seal) and you can never go wrong.

I hope you enjoy this Alaskan Treat.

I know my science nerd friends and I enjoyed it.

Changing the subject

Back in Michigan when I wanted to change the subject I would simply say, "So, how about them Tigers." The statement was invariably followed with the other person yelling, "Fuck yeah the Tigers! Love those guys!" The subject would move on to a greatly detailed account of how great the Tigers are.
In Alaska this doesn't work too well. Someone will be ranting on about some uncomfortable subject and I try to change it by saying, "How about them Tigers." I will meet their blank gaze, watch them blink, and than listen as they say, "um yeah sure- Tigers? So, Back to what I was saying-...
For Alaskans the Tigers just won't cut it. People up here come from all over the place. They are people who couldn't take being told what to do, that's how you end up in Alaska. The one thing that can make any Alaskan change the subject is: Hippies.
Whether someone is old or young, rich or poor, conservative or liberal they all have very strong feelings about the overpopulation of Hippies up here. I will just yell out, "HIPPIES!" A conservative my might follow it up with, "Fucking Hippies..." A liberal with, "I love how many there are up here. The yurts they live in are cool..." I even find myself getting caught in my own subject change, "Old hippies who stuck with the principals they believe in cool. Great. At least they show that they have dedication to the cause. Neo-Hippies- any one under 58 trying to live the hippie lifestyle- I can't stand!" Most people, even the most conservative people, seem to agree with me and the uncomfortable topic of how to gut a moose has been changed.

Working the job not letting the job work me

Last Wednesday was the lowest tide of the year. I was able to talk the higher ups at the police dept into letting me take a friend along in the ATV. My friend Howard is a Naturalist. He came with me to show me all the cool life that can be seen during a low tideI went from never having seen a Sea Star(commonly known as a Sea Fish) to having seen about 50.. I wore flip-flops(like always) while we walked along slick slippery rocks. I ended up biting it on a large rock. So, after Howard and I had walked a ways out on the slick rocks I tried to be smart and walk back to the shore on a sandbar. The sandbar eventually stopped and I tried to wade through what I thought was shallow water. It turned out I made my walk back to shore twice as hard as my walk out. I had to walk through nearly chest high water on top of slick rock with a huge amount of sea weed pulling me down. When I finally arrived to the shore with Howard and a couple that wanted tomake sure I didn't die(although who would they have called to save me? I'm the beach patrol.) were standing there watching me. I could feel my legs getting slashed open on the rocks, but it was so cold that it didn't really hurt. When I came out of the water I started to bleed everywhere. Howard and I walked back to the ATV I was muddy and bloody. There were a bunch of school children near by so Howard brought over a sun star to show them. I came with him and acted as if I didn't notice that my leg was completely red from the blood. .
I can only hope the children learned as much about sea stars that day as I did. And that they will remember that day as the day they saw a boat wreck survior walk onto the beach-not just some crazy stubborn lady who took the worst possible route to the beach.

Rose you coming?

I just have to start out by saying I got a really good deal. Excellent in fact. I'm not one of those people with designer labels to show off. I have designer knock-offs and still like to brag about how cheap I got my wanna-be Dolce & Gabbana glasses in Mexico.
Recently at a garage sale to help the fire dept I got a TV for 50 cents! I was reluctant to buy it because we have no cable and it had a built in VHS player- I don't have any VHS anymore. The ladies were desperate to get rid of the last few things they had so they said they would throw in a box of VHS with the TV for another 50 cents. I looked through the box- I tossed aside Titanic and Ace Ventura and noticed Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail. Sold! Sweatin' to the Oldies and the Baywatch movie- double sold!
I was so excited to have something to watch. I watched You've Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle to the point that it wasn't fun to watch them anymore. I decided I should go through my big box of VHS and watch something else. The two tapes of Titanic were glaring at me. Refusing to be ignored. All I could remember of the movie was that I didn't like it, it was long, the music annoying and right before she pries his hand off of her and drops him in the ocean Rose says, "I'll never let go."
oh, and Kathy Bates is in it somewhere and the dude from Twister.
I felt it was time, after 12 years, to give the movie a second chance. I ended up watching the movie with my roomie Liz and my friend Christi. Our reaction to the film was considerably different than what it was 12 years earlier. Although I was an angry and bitter 13 year old when the movie came out I was not yet a jaded-single-female. A women who has dated and loved her share of losers. At 13 I just thought the movie was kinda stupid. Now at 25 I am 8 years older than what the main character-Rose is suppose to be in the movie. Now I just wanted to give her some tips about relationships. My friend Christi is a bit younger and nicer than my older roommate Liz and I. Christi briefly tried to defended Jack and Rose's love. Liz and I shouted our life lessons at the 50 cent screen.
"He's GAY Rose!"
"Married. Married with two children back in Wisconsin!"
"He is a male prostitute for the men shoveling coal in the bottom of the boat."
"Rose, come on! He "hung out" with French Prostitutes. He just gave you chlamydia!"
Again I don't really remember what I yelled at the screen 12 years ago but I'm 98% sure none of these made it. Especially since thanks to the movie Sleepers and my cousin Kent reading the Swedish Subtitles I had only learned what a BJ was a month before I saw the movie. Although later on that year I learned a lot more about BJs thanks to the GOP being obsessed with Clinton's love life and cable news networks.
Twelve years ago I had no idea why she would jump back on the boat. Why would she be so willing to die with him? I finally figured it out after a long debate over whether or not Rose came in the back of the car. We said he was probably a two pump chump. Than I realized she must have come. There is no way a girl would jump back on to a sinking ship for some guy who didn't make her come.
Yeah, for the jaded-single-twentysomething-female of the 21st century this idea of a innocent love worth dieing for doesn't make sense. Than you remind yourself it's a movie... Rose is only suppose to be 17. SEVENTEEN! What the heck does she know?
Your best love stories are the short ones. There the only ones that don't get jaded with the truth of time.

Carol

I think I have finally come up with the most narcissistic thing that someone can do. I think it is making love to a bunch of songs with your name in it. There are some songs named Carol... most of them revolving around how great the girl named Carol is. Put together they make about a 25 minute playlist.
That got me thinking that would make a perfect gettin' it on playlist... till the creepiness of wanting to do that sunk in.

Oh, yeah baby... want me to get you in the mood? Marvin Gaye? No we don't have that.... But I do have a selection of songs that feature my name. What do you mean, what do I mean? They are all songs about a girl named Carol. No they're good songs... What's weird about that? Why are you getting dressed?

Maybe I won't be do that anytime soon.
But I can dream that someday I'll find someone who loves me as much as I love myself so we can make love to a song that includes the lyrics:
Oh Carol I think it's time for running for cover
Believe me, you're everyone's and nobody's lover

while looking up lyrics to Carol songs I noticed that Chuck Berry says:
Oh Carol don't let HIM steal your heart away
yet The Rolling Stones remake says:
Oh Carol don't let HER steal your heart away.
Why GOD?!
Why is there always the implication that I'm a lesbain.... maybe doing it to songs named Carol wouldn't be as great as I imagined.