Tallinn and sexy shorts

So, I didn't exactly see Tallinn. Well, that's not true. I saw it. Like with my own eyes did I personally see it? yes.
Can I tell you anything about it?
no.
Things weren't going right for me in Tallinn right from the begining. Right after cycling off the ferry I was in trouble. not even five minutes after getting to the country I almost got hit by a bus. Like just inches from getting hit. I was going straight and the bus started to turn. I started shouting,*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" When I realized that the bus driver was not going to stop and I wasn't going to be able to stop in time I did my best impression of Lance Armstrong and leaned forward and peddled my heart out. I feel I can not make you understand how very, very, close it was. On lookers all gasped as I just made it. One guy gave me a whistle for my amazing split second survival.
I quickly found the sign pointing to the bike path that I wanted and went the direction it pointed to. This was the last I ever saw the signs for the bike path. I kept biking anyways following the signs for Pärnu. I knew this was the most direct route south.
The roads and sidewalks in Tallinn are extremely bumpy. As I was going over one of the bumpy roads I could tell my basket holding my back pack was about to fall off. The Scandinavian Air People destroyed my basket along with the wheels and I never was able to get it back on properly. Right as I was thinking that it was about to fall off-it fell off. I had to run it over, even with my stuff in it.
There were three very lovely Estonian girls standing right when it happened. They picked up my basket and kept giving me suggestions for how to fix it. Like how I'm not sure I can make you realize how close that bus was to hitting me, I also feel I can't make you appreciate how truely flat my basket was. One girl kept trying to pull it back out. I got all embarressed and just took the flat basket and put it on top of the trash can. I guess I'll have to wear my backpack the rest of the way.
After that I just kept peddling. I followed the bike paths which are,thank god, in the middle of traffic. If having cars able to hit you on one side isn't scary enough having it on both sides just adds to the adventure. However, yet again I almost got hit by a bus and as I swerved out of the way of the bus I almost got hit by traffic on the otherside.
By this point I figured it was best to just buckle down and see how far I could get. On my way out of town I saw a mall. Since I hadn't been to a mall in around a year I felt the need to stop in. I got a pair of biking shorts. They are very short, have a padded crouch, and have a sexy orange stripe down the side. If I wasn't already getting enough looks for being...well...being me... these short shorts scream, "look at me! look at me! Look at me peddle past you very sllowly! WEEEEEE!"
Seriously that's what the shorts say.